just took on more “ownership” of cycling advocacy at the state level — don’’t think about it — too much to accomplish before we fly to Texas — don’t doubt yourself — missing Hurray Day with my Clan — don’t fret about it — haven’t gone to the gym in a week — do some pushups — can’t think of titles that will help sell my art — don’t fear the unknown — grass is still growing — just mow, dammit
mind clippings
April 21st, 2007Pianos along the Oregon Trail
April 19th, 2007Seldom during my life have I felt so fulfilled and so beleaguered at the same time. Over the years, I’ve persevered through hundreds of stressful deadlines, but now I can finally appreciate what an artist goes through leading up to a solo exhibition. I want to execute all my ideas, but I know that I’m running out of time, and now I have to sandwich in a couple days for my KBBC annual retreat. As I continuously evaluate the intensity of labor required to finish my show as planned, in light of the dwindling quantity of available time, I’m preparing myself to abandon some significant desires and more than few high hopes.
A man of springtime
April 17th, 2007Can’t help but be thinking about my father today, since he would’ve been 84, but actually I’ve been thinking about him all month. Everyone has been waiting for the weather to warm up like it has, but he would’ve loved this chilly April anyway. Few kinds of weather could hold him indoors, especially at this time of year.
Dana and I paid a visit to Pike Valley Farm this afternoon to meet with our newest clients and take a tour of their lakeside organic operation. What a day for it! And what great satisfaction my Dadbo would’ve derived from our enjoyable “inspection.”
It seems like all I’ve been dealing with lately are studio curve balls and unexpected challenges to my harmony. It helps me to recall how many of those he had to face in his life, and how often he took them in stride, if they presented an opportunity for service to others. But I also remember how particular things would aggravate him or rattle his nerves, and it reminds me that I’ve inherited his temperament. So I tell myself to relax, even though I’m still not very good at it.
I want to say more about him, but tonight I can’t hope to equal what I wrote for his birthday a year ago. It would please me for you to click and read it again, too.
Powder and tweed
April 15th, 2007I put aside all my stresses for a day and a half and enjoyed the company of some very fine people who came to David’s cabin for his second spring rifle competition. After participating in the Saturday morning shoot with an Australian .310 Cadet rifle (tied for fifth place), I kept score in the afternoon for relay number two of the British Single Shot Sporting Rifle Match. With the miserable weather that blew through, we couldn’t have had better luck than when the rain stopped long enough to preserve the event as originally planned. David said he couldn’t have pulled it off without me. In spite of prior misgivings, I was glad to have been there, to have helped out my friend, and to have solidified relationships with some of the region’s top experts on Victorian firearms.
Various & Sundry, part fifty
April 13th, 2007— Dana and I had an interesting conference yesterday. We met a guy at a Starbucks in Lexington, unsure about exactly how his role dovetailed with our new project for ftb-automotive. We thought he might be a bedroom Web designer, and he turned out to be a top executive with HOST Communications, one of the most prominent providers of interactive services in Central Kentucky. You never know.
— The Arts Across Kentucky deal came through, and I was able to get a drum-scan of my Band Festival poster art in time to touch it up and forward it on to the magazine for today’s deadline. Dana took time to revise my biographical profile, and it’s almost beginning to sound halfway credible.
— NBC makes episodes of its series available online, so Dana and I just had to watch the season closer for “FNL” that we missed on her birthday. Even though it was inside a little box, and the video was kinda jerky and crude, and I was listening with cheap headphones, the finale choked me up. Peter Berg’s extraordinary show has me totally captivated. Now I’’ll be on edge ’til I find out if it gets picked up for a second year.
— This weekend is David’s scheduled event at the Simpson Range—his .310 Cadet and British Single Shot Sporting Rifle Matches. I’ll be combining some business with pleasure, and it’s certain to be a great time, but I have to admit I’m getting a bit concerned about how many days I have left to prepare for KOSMOS.
My Senior Sweetie
April 11th, 2007Last night’s Salvation Army Annual Dinner was a smashing success. Today I realized all the work for my May exhibition has to be completed and framed within two weeks, so we can leave for Dallas and the NAOC. We had a double birthday celebration this evening—the entire House of John plus David. Lee is in Virginia with her mother. I was having such a good time I forgot all about recording the season finale of “Friday Night Lights.” Must have been the Gnarly Head.
Ok, it’s 65. Happy Birthday to you.
Various & Sundry, part forty-nine
April 9th, 2007— I’ve been trying to think of an appropriate way to tell Ian that I’m proud of his new workout discipline and to offer my encouragement, but I haven’t thought of anything cool or clever to say to him yet. Well, in the meantime, maybe this will do.
— One of the byproducts of March is an almost hypersensitivity to the ingredient stimuli that influence my state of being for each particular day—whether or not I’ve exercised, what I’m currently reading, whether I’m on the uphill or downhill side of a deadline, how much restful sleep I had, what kind of a movie I might have watched the night before, whether I began the day with a Rosary, what style of artwork I’m in the middle of, whether or not my Macintosh is acting up, etc. Being more aware of how these things affect my mood and powers of concentration is good, right? I used to just let each day find its own pitch without much thought to this kind of assessment, but now I know I can counter-balance various influences with music, poetry, prayer, stretching, dietary adjustments, or just a quick floor romp with a Yorkie. Nevertheless, there are still certain kinds of creative tension that have a tendency to throw me off my game, but I’m “getting there.”
— My talk seemed to go well enough yesterday morning that Milton wants to schedule it again as a “rerun.” I don’t think that’s ever happened before, but it might have something to do with only two other people showing up.
— Easter was a long day, but it felt like it flew by much too fast. When I waited to pick up Bruce from the hospital, I sat in the car for a spell, listening to my tape of Heston reading from the New Testament. Bruce was ready to go, but they failed to order the wheelchair transport to the exit. Such a silly regulation. I can stand to be around hospitals, but I don’t like them. As it turned out, Bruce didn’t feel well enough for the ride down to the farm, so he stayed home. We stopped in Junction on the way, to get Terie and Marty, and the four of us spent the holiday afternoon with Clan. I drank too much coffee and ate too much food. Had a very nice discussion with Peat about her job as newspaper editor next year. She’s laying the groundwork this spring, which is smart, and will spend some time in Europe this summer—quite a few Clan Kiddoes are following in my footsteps with travel abroad during student years. I found out that Seth has committed to Bellarmine. Looks like Sam Morgan will go there, too, and he’ll run track. We saw pictures of “Baby Molina,” and I got the data to do numerology charts for her and Torrance. Later in the day, I watched Marty conduct battles on the PC with ROME: Total War, and we played on the PS2 together, too. Our best boxing bout was Sugar Ray R against Sugar Ray L. Marty has moved to primarily sports video games because they require more controller skill, plus he’s getting more interested in the world of sport overall, which is having a bit of a spill-over effect for me. I actually cared who won the green jacket.
Easter Morning Remarks
April 7th, 2007I found the mental break I needed by sitting down to write words for our circle of friends who gather at Mack’s cabin for Shared Silence. As you probably know, these talks are known locally as “After Silence.” It’s been four and half years since I did one of these talks. I intend to give due credit to best buddy Mike for many of the facts, observations, and speculations that I’m including. They’re borrowed primarily from an article he wrote last year for Dynamic Chiropractic. Bruce went to the ER this morning with severe pain and is spending the night in a private room. Originally he was going with us to the farm for tomorrow’s holiday with Clan, but now he may not be released soon enough. Hospitals exist in another world of time, and it’s a lot like the weather—no sense in worrying about something over which one has absolutely no control.
Roll the dice; it’s a temporal vise
April 5th, 2007My two major volunteer projects of the year seem to have converged in a single work week, and if I can just get through the next twenty-four hours in one piece, I should be able to use the holiday to wind down a bit and refocus on my preparations for the May exhibition.
Oh yeah, it occurs to me that there are now some clients who desire to pay me if I spend some creative time on their behalf.
A wise man would comply.
zap
April 3rd, 2007I wrote an entire entry that was wiped out by a power outage before I thought to save it. I really don’t have much time available for this in the first place, and I have even less to spend doing it twice.
Various & Sundry, part forty-eight
April 1st, 2007— Month of March workout totals: Swim-3; Bike-3; Run-4; Lift-6; Yoga-8
— My body isn’t the same one I had ten years ago when I could run a 6:41 mile, but attention to physical fitness is the key to all my other areas of fitness. Lots of people talk to me about their desire to exercise more or to find the time to start again, and I tell them it’s “just a habit like anything else.” Motivation has its place, but for most regular exercisers like me, it’s just something we’ve learned to do by habit. If you don’t exercise, you’ve just learned to do that by habit instead, like the habit of not reading much or not flossing teeth. Replace an unwanted habit with a constructive one—easier said than done. As trite as it may sound, it usually comes down to the familiar Yoda quotation, “Do or do not. There is no try.”
— Naturally, I’m thinking about the March Experiment today. I recognized some time ago that it’s not really about breakthroughs in professional achievement. but rather about the consciousness of continuous personal awareness. That may sound like a particularly selfish pursuit—and it is. On the other hand, I’ve come to believe that control of self-awareness is at the foundation of sensitivity to others. Compassion is rooted in mastery over one’s emotional priorities. Perhaps some individuals are just born with a natural magnanimity. Since I wasn’t, I must take pains to find the necessary inner balance. Therefore—the exercise in March. Yes, I’m now considering making the practice an annual refresher.
— Mombo sends word that Joan, Caitlan, Janet, and Jerome have arrived safely in England, and Brendan met them at the airport. I hope he fixes them up with a blogging station, so we can get the latest news from London. Wow. When I think that it’s been almost 33 years since I was there, my eyes roll back in my head. I can’t imagine what it would be like to visit again. Many things would look the same (the museums and tourist sites), but other places are surely gone forever (those hip shops on King’s Road in Chelsea, etc.). Have fun, guys, and fashion your own memories!
— It’s April, my favorite time of year. Thinking of my family on holiday and having dinner tonight with my household has filled me with gratitude for wonderful things, especially with so many in my hometown mourning the senseless loss of Chiara Levin, a victim of wanton irresponsibility while visiting Boston last week. I am thankful for all the good fortune in my Clan, for my health, for the opportunity to live a creative, meaningful life in a decent community, for an extraordinary partner in all things, and for the Almighty who sustains me. I am truly blessed…
The Experiment is OH-VAH
March 31st, 2007March experiment—day thirty-one— Another intensive month devoted to rooting out undesirable habits and replacing them with an improved momentum of productive creativity. This calls for a victory fanfare!
The home stretch
March 30th, 2007March experiment—day thirty— One foot in front of the other brings the finish line a step closer.
Today’s sight bite— Scraps of printed text, a dried leaf, an encyclopedia engraving, stickers for a video label, a tea-bag tag, numbers torn from an old calendar—c-l-i-c-k, c-l-i-c-k, c-l-i-c-k, c-l-i-c-k—a flurry of color and images as a collage takes shape.
Tomorrow— Last day; kick it out…
The far turn for the bean fiend
March 29th, 2007March experiment—day twenty-nine— In almost every race I’ve run, it’s been possible to find an extra bit of something at the finish. So for the next couple days I need to dig down like that and find “the means.” Since I relied heavily on the bean brew over the Indy weekend, and I can’t deal with cutting back now, the ’feine is along for the ride. I’ll try to keep him in the back seat. (How many metaphors am I sticking in the blender here? Sheesh!) Better wind this up, but not before reporting that I received a request from the editor of Arts Across Kentucky magazine, because she wants to consider using my painting, Spellbound by Brass, on the cover. That’s great news, but I’m wearing so many creative hats right now—collage artist, watercolorist, designer, printmaker, illustrator—that I need to be sure to keep it all straight when talking to people.
Today’s sight bite— A dingy gray sky the color of soap-dish scum resting on top of Norton Center—c-l-i-c-k— with its ordinarily rich terra cotta and butternut hues washed away by the dismal morning conditions.
Tomorrow— Let’s see how much vigor there still is in the experiment…
Entrusting an outcome to the Source
March 28th, 2007March experiment—day twenty-eight— Today was one of those days when Dana and I shared thumbnail sketches at breakfast, resolved an advantageous division of labor, and then entered the studio with the minutes ticking down on an important presentation. Call it experience, professionalism, or old-fashion maturity, but a morning can take shape like that nowadays without my wading through all the anxiety and worst-case mental brambles which used to clutter the way. I like to think it also has something to do with trusting one’s intuition, but how does one develop intuition without struggling through all that trial and error? Oh well, it’s made for some good war stories, anyway. After I printed the layout for Kentucky Trust Company and Dana was off to her meeting, I prepared a preliminary design for the Band Festival T-shirt and Elaine liked it. She seems quite bullish on my work right now and is instigating some publicity opportunities for the Festival that will also gain a bit of recognition for me. Hey, that’s the way this deal was always supposed to work!
Today’s sight bite— Bradford pear blossoms drifting on the breeze past my kitchen window—c-l-i-c-k—masquerading as a springtime flurry of snow.
Tomorrow— Our new automotive client makes his big pitch out East, elements of the Salvation Army Annual Report are to be assembled, a last opportunity for final touches on Spellbound by Brass, plus more progress expected on my preparations for KOSMOS: Discovery and Disclosure…
A rowdy rook to augur my fate
March 27th, 2007March experiment—day twenty-seven— The morning began early, with Bruce needing to start his first Danville dialysis treatment at 6:30 am, but it was already obvious that the March Experiment was on life support. Whether I had it in me to shift from the grueling pace of the Indiana move to my ambitious studio checklist was up in the air. I was just about to declare to myself that the whole thing was “oh-vah,” but then thought I deserved one last effort at re-imposing the exercise, so I picked the most difficult thing I could think of to self-assign—complete my intimidating graphic interpretation of cornetist Vince DiMartino for the Band Festival merchandise. It’s a style of symbolic abstraction that is commonly seen, but often poorly executed. Although I’ve previously pulled it off with reasonable competency, to be honest, it’s a style I’ve never come close to mastering. Nevertheless, I attacked the demanding project, overcoming waves of doubt and discomfort, fighting computer crashes, and dealing with a steady stream of interruptions. And the result? Others will be the judge, but the Experiment is still alive, by Jove!
Today’s sight bite— The enormous black crow, perching high in our “Simon Kenton” maple—c-l-i-c-k—as I wonder if his rhythmic caw is laughter, mocking my insane pursuit, or a series of congratulatory salutes.
Tomorrow— Testing an invigorated schedule and the desire to persevere…
Operation Exit Strategy
March 26th, 2007After a restless Saturday-night sleep for all, we hit the ground with all cylinders firing yesterday, and—by some miracle—our team managed to organize, pack, and load all Bruce’s things, as well as clean the kitchen and bathroon, making it back to Danville around 1 am this morning. Today we transferred everything to the storage compartment and delivered the truck to Nicholasville within ten minutes of the 48-hour expiration. We did it! Bruce is safe and sound in Kentucky, and everybody kept a cool head throughout the ordeal. We “celebrated” with a major all-you-can-eat family buffet munch-down.
Just your basic inner freak-out
March 25th, 2007Terie, Marty, Dana, and I (plus Walie) travelled together to Indianapolis on Saturday. Bruce had dialysis in the afternoon, but he was home by the time we picked up the box-van rental and arrived as his place. When I saw the condition of the contents in the mobile home, including the state of unreadiness in the bedroom, and the storage shed, too, my mind raced with frantic calculations of time and labor. I struggled with myself to avoid the brink of panic. Inside I was almost like Heston’s Taylor when he cried,
“It’s a madhouse!”
A Family Enterprise
March 24th, 2007The move from Indianapolis takes place this weekend.
Day twenty-three
March 23rd, 2007Much to do today before we go help Bruce move home. I’ll post my weekend notes when we get back. The only entry I’ll make now is to publish a poem that cousin Dan sent to me this morning. It was written by his father—my Uncle Bob.
Home Schooling
by Bob DixonGrandpa, teach us of truth.
I will help you study mathematics.
Is mathematics a language?
Yes, but it never speaks of good or evil.
Where shall we learn of good?
We will read poetry.
But must we not study God.
Yes, yes, we will read from the Greeks.
Is that not history?
No, I will teach you the history of your family.
But Grandpa, that is not written?
Writing destroys the sense of time passing.
So will we stop studying writing?
No, write on paper that does not endure a century.
What about the Greeks?
Their words were lost for a thousand years.
Was that bad?
Probably not, wisdom is better when it’s not seen as fact.
What about science?
Certainly you must study it, but it is always being revised.
You mean it is just theories?
No, science is about ways to make guesses about the future.
Grandpa, why do you always make us guess the answer to a problem?
We have mental processes that can not be put in words.
Is that like when people talk about art?
Exactly, or when athletes talk about playing ball.
Grandpa, have you learned much in your 70 years?
Yes, but if I told you it would be like yesterday’s ball game.
Is it sad that when you die that will all be gone?
No, you have a quarter of my genes.
But must we discover again all that you already know?
It seems that life requires refreshing everything but the bare essentials.
Does that mean having children?
No, it means having grandchildren.© Bob Dixon / All rights reserved.
Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb
March 22nd, 2007March experiment—day twenty-two— If I’d taken time earlier to characterize my day, I would’ve declared that my experiment had broken down, but now I’m not sure, and that’s why I go a bit mad at this point in the exercise. Has the imposed mental structure fallen apart, or has it been absorbed into my state of being? Has the regimen lost “front of mind” status only because I’ve encouraged it to become a foundational habit of situational awareness and time management? Great Scot! Can I not distinguish between failure and success? This must be why I tend to go a bit mad at this point in the exercise, or did I say that already?
Today’s sight bite— The fleshy, white thighs of my new client, as he sits on our couch—c-l-i-c-k—explaining auto-security remotes with typical enthusiasm, but his shorts are alarmingly—short!
Tomorrow— Hit the scheduled milestone and keep plugging, in preparation for the round-trip to Indianapolis…
Baybos, Bursae, and Banquets
March 21st, 2007March experiment—day twenty-one— I’ve hit a set of conditions in the studio that dictate subjects for my attention that are different than I originally intended for this time of the month, and I’m trying to adjust. Heightened awareness is the key. I can’t lose the joy. I have to remind myself that in many respects, the external framework may be the least important aspect of the experiment.
Here are the only other things I feel like mentioning today:
1) Mombo called with good news that Janet and Jerome have a strong position with a baby girl born in Guatemala this past Saturday. Everyone smile and pray hard.
2) Dana is showing excellent progress on healing her knee injury, with other beneficial side effects.
3) Uncle Norm closed on the Indy mobile home, and we’re all set for moving Bruce to Danville this weekend.
4) The Salvation Army dinner next month is shaping up to be the best one I’ve helped organize.
5) Friday Night Lights really is the most outstanding series currently on television.