Archive for February, 2010

Rescued from oblivion . . .

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Barley Meat Stew
2 quarts spring-house water
3/4 cup walnut juice
2-1/2 cups barley meat
1/2 cup mashed hedge apple
1/4 cup horsetail seed
1/4 cup Uncle Curly Tree berries
1/4 cup fine chicken dirt
garnish with chopped makko bird

A Visual Journey — chapter the fifth

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

If my misaligned eyes had been straight and looked at the same object, then neurons carrying information from each eye would have delivered the same input to binocular neurons in my visual cortex. Since my eyes were not straight and saw different things, the binocular neurons in my brain received conflicting input. This situation set up a competition between my two eyes, and for each neuron, one or the other eye won out. Each neuron in my brain now responded to input from only one eye. My brain was wired in a way that prevented sterovision. While reading in college about “critical periods” in vision development, I had to conclude that it was too late for my vision to change. Yet, much more recent scientific research indicates that the adult brain may be more “plastic,” or capable of rewiring, than previously realized.
— Susan R. Barry, Fixing my Gaze

I went to the eye center early, before my fifth therapy session, to have a prism film applied to the right lens of my glasses. The prism corrects the misalignment to a limited degree, so I still must make an effort to fuse the double vision on my own. It’s a crutch of sorts, bringing images into a zone that deters my ingrained tendency to suppress the vision in one eye. Because of this, things usually look chaotic when I put on these glasses because they force my perceptions to deal with the lack of fusion. During therapy we had a bit of a breakthrough when Mary Ellen at last identified the precise configuration of prisms that seemed to provide for me vision that was fully singular. Pow. Suddenly I had a non-jumbled picture before me, without regard to head position or directional glance. But as appealing as that sounds, wearing this configuration of corrective lenses would do nothing to reverse the underlying brain-eye disorder. So the emphasis remains on integrated therapy, including a new pattern of exercises I do with a metronome. When I tried my first metronome task, I thought, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do this.” I kept at it, and when I noticed the first shade of progress, I experienced a startling shift in mindset— “I’m wrong. This is possible. For too long I’ve told myself that I can’t do things.” This awareness has now become the standard when a new exercise seems difficult. I don’t trust that initial feeling of insurmountability. Instead, I begin to anticipate some indication of partial success, and then I accept that daily practice will turn the tide. In other cases, the exercises have seemed too easy. I’ve learned to tell myself that there must be various kinds of neuron activity necessary to the overall brain rewiring. Easy or hard probably has nothing to do with it. At the sixth session, the “breakthrough” prism-set didn’t work at first, but then everything sort of snapped into place after a delay. I had noticed this phenomenon before when using the “crutch glasses.” Clearly there is more to this than getting a new pair of spectacles. It’s more like acquiring a new wiring diagram for my gray matter, synapse by synapse.

Who dat?

Sunday, February 7th, 2010

There have been years in the past when I couldn’t have told you the teams competing in the Super Bowl, even if the fate of my eternal soul had depended on it. Fast forward to today, when I awaited the big game with immense anticipation. What changed? First of all, I spent enough time with a great football-watching friend to understand that NFL players are the most amazing athletes in the world. Jacob, 2010And then, when Bruce was gravely ill and we spent a good portion of a year hanging out around Indianapolis, I began to favor the Colts. The clincher took place last year, when I worked professionally with local star Jacob T, a second-year back-up tight end and special team starter for the team, following his brilliant career at the University of Kentucky. After that I was hooked on Indy, deriving much pleasure from watching their “almost-perfect” season and playoff success. Nevertheless, despite my desire to see Jacob be part of a Super Bowl victory, I’m not sad that the Colts fell short against the Saints tonight, because my heart is with Kristi and the Hornsby family as they enjoy a wonderful celebration in New Orleans.

A Visual Journey — chapter the fourth

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

When I undertook optometric vision therapy at age forty-eight, I could see the misalign-and-suppress mechanism at work in my own visual system. With therapy procedures, I learned to bring the images from both eyes into consciousness and could therefore discover where my two eyes were aiming. Throughout life, an unconscious action had moved the image from one eye out of alignment, making it easier for me to discount the image from the nonfixating eye.
— Susan R. Barry, Fixing my Gaze

Yesterday I had my third session with Mary Ellen, the therapist selected to work with me on a program of weekly eye exercises. The disciplines are both challenging and tiring. Let me explain that. They are difficult because they necessitate a kind of exertion unlike physical or mental effort. Nevertheless, it does involve muscle and brain activity, which is tiring, but the kind of fatigue that results is unlike anything I’ve known—a dull pressure in the middle of my head. I don’t feel exhausted, but noticeably depleted in a way I can’t put my finger on. So far, any progress I’ve noticed has made me even more aware of the dysfunction. In other words, the double vision is more obvious at times because I’m training myself not to suppress the vision in one eye to accommodate the misalignment. Does that make sense? It’s frustrating and stressful to have my vision more chaotic, but I understand the need to strengthen my singular vision in each eye before I develop an improvement in its ability to “team.” This will require more fusion exercises that rely on 3D glasses. I also have to do daily patching for individual-eye isolation work. It’s probably best that I avoid “overthinking” all of it and concentrate on applying myself to the assignments. I don’t know what I’d feel if I didn’t have confidence in the benefits of the process.