is a blog by Brendan
Heard in front of the elevators, on the way to lunch:
“He was getting sued for calling that woman ‘Nappy Roots,’ remember?” (laughter)
“Man, I want somebody to say something derogatory to me, so I can sue.”
“I say things to you all the time.”
“Yeah, but you don’t count. I want [the CEO]!”
I learned something today. I learned that you can be an extremely nice, friendly Turkish guy at my job named Sevket (SHEV-ket), with almost girlishly pretty eyes and lips, a teddy-bear figure and a very normal haircut. Then, you can go on vacation for a week, get a tan, shave your head and grow a goatee, and turn into Kaiser fucking Soze.
Man, I wish I had a camera. He’s still nice, there’s just all this terror overlaid on it now. I was coming back from the break room with a bag of Doritos, and Sevket passed me and said “Hey, Brendan. Early lunch? Late breakfast?” Then he smiled, and I had to make a conscious effort not to dive for the nearest cube and pray for it to be over.
Hey, I found another reason cell phones suck!
Finally fixed the “Journal last updated” indicator on all the other pages, for those of you peons who still don’t have an RSS aggregator. It’s pretty hacky (I finally got it by string-manipulating the aforementioned RSS feed), but I’m kinda proud of its ingenuity. It should be pretty adaptable, even if some of the preceding fields change length.
Yeah, I bet I could lift a car. If I wanted.
Once upon a time there was a king, and his name was David the Flora.
And King David WAS a good king, and his minions, they DIDST love upon him; and David the Flora was well pleased with them.
And his minions did ENJOY his presence; such that at certain times they WERE unable to keep from WRESTING him to the floor; and that at others they DIDST pile themselves upon him.
And there was among these minions ONE whose name was Alison.
And it CAME to pass that on a night in Virginia, David Flora DID bring himself unto Alison; and she held in her hand a long, flexible plastic lily, which she HAD stolen from a restaurant.
And Alison said unto David Flora, in a calm voice: “I’m gonna hit you with this.”
And David Flora DID smile, so that his eyes SEEMED almost to disappear.
And Alison said unto David Flora: “It’s probably gonna hurt.”
And David Flora SMILED again; for he WAS drunk on whiskey.
And Alison DID hit him with the flower, which was like unto a whip; and David Flora FELT greatly hurt.
And Alison DID hit him a second time; and both of these were in the top part of his breast.
And David Flora WAS in incredible pain, and he wept, and he was like unto a woman. And yea, Brendan Adkins did laugh so hard he almost WET himself.
Lord. That WAS so goddamn funny.
The End.
Power’s out in the whole northeast world, which, when I heard it, made me really nervous. I thought they were supposed to get better about this kind of thing! But then they say in the same article repeatedly that it’s not terrorism. So it’s one of two things:
If it’s the first, I feel perfectly justified in posting this; if it’s the second, I will pretend I’m aiding the effort to keep things calm by relieving the tension with humor.
I mean, it’s big. It’s not terrorists. That really leaves only one possibility, you know?
Update 8.15.2003 0839 hrs: Oh, never mind.
Weirdly, googling for sites related to the Tuesday comic gets this site as the top result (under Tuesday itself), and my favorite band as the next one. Maybe it just daisy-chains through links? But that can’t be right. Or maybe somebody posted about it on their message boards.
Either way, though, seeing those two sites bracketing mine is really kind of cool. Google’s generally pretty nice to me, which I like to think of as a measure of karma. I do kind of wish, though, that I weren’t the “feeling lucky” result for people trying to find lyrics to some Mudvayne song.
