I learned something today. I learned that you can be an extremely nice, friendly Turkish guy at my job named Sevket (SHEV-ket), with almost girlishly pretty eyes and lips, a teddy-bear figure and a very normal haircut. Then, you can go on vacation for a week, get a tan, shave your head and grow a goatee, and turn into Kaiser fucking Soze.
Man, I wish I had a camera. He’s still nice, there’s just all this terror overlaid on it now. I was coming back from the break room with a bag of Doritos, and Sevket passed me and said “Hey, Brendan. Early lunch? Late breakfast?” Then he smiled, and I had to make a conscious effort not to dive for the nearest cube and pray for it to be over.