Category: Joan Wood

Nobody in the church actually calls it “the last rites,” you know, although nobody had any doubt what it was when the Pope received it. The sacrament is most commonly called the Anointing of the Sick, and it’s performed in many cases of serious illness that incur the danger of death, not just terminal conditions. It’s a ritual of enlightenment, comfort and cleansing, not a funeral rite. My father received his Anointing while he could still walk and feed himself.

Maria brought it to my attention some time ago that I tend to assume everybody knows the story of my family in the early part of the last decade, when in fact I know a lot of you only through the interweb, and I’ve never actually written it up here. I’m correcting that omission today. I’m not entirely sure about all these dates, but I’ll change them if I’m wrong.

My dad, Ivan Wayne Adkins, was born on January 4th, 1950. He joined the Navy after high school, and was an engineer; he served and worked on both cruise ships and nuclear submarines, and was a noncombatant in the Vietnam War (his service was mostly in the Mediterranean). He and my mom went to antiwar rallies together during his shore leave.

When his time in the service ended, he earned a technical degree in engineering at DeVry University. He and my mom were married in August of 1975, and they moved to Georgetown, Kentucky, in 1978. I was born in May of 1981, my brother Ian in October of 1982, and my sister Caitlan in August of 1984.

The house we lived in was called Ivangrad, pronounced like a Russian city (although everybody called my dad “Wayne”). It was a big old place with an ancient well on one side, lots of stovepipes and no working chimneys. It was falling apart when they bought it; my extended family rebuilt it from the inside out before and during my childhood. Some of my earliest visual memories are of heat shimmering off the paint strippers held by my uncles and aunts, and of watching my toy cars disappear as Ben McBrayer and I dropped them between the studs where the drywall was missing.

In 1987, my dad was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He pursued several avenues of treatment, including both traditional and holistic medicine. I think it was also around this time that he became a vegetarian. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t aware that Dad was sick, nor do I remember any particular disambiguation on the subject, so I assume that my parents told me from the start what was happening–not that I, at six, had any solid grasp on the concept of metastatic cancer.

We moved to Richmond in the fall of 1989, in part because it meant a shorter commute to Dad’s job at the Lexington-Bluegrass Army Depot, in part because it was also a shorter trip to the hospital where he was undergoing outpatient chemotherapy, and in part because my parents wanted a newer home where my allergies to dust and mold wouldn’t be as much of a problem. The new house was called Two Trees. It was the only house with any trees at all in our subdivision–a huge, beautiful sycamore and a smaller catalpa.

Dad joined the RCIA program at St. Mark parish not long after we moved, and was confirmed Catholic at the Easter Vigil mass in 1990 (he’d already been attending Mass for years). He received his Anointing of the Sick near the end of 1992, on his feet, at the university’s Newman Center in Richmond–none of us can remember why it was there instead of at St. Mark, but we’re sure of that.

He entered St. Joseph hospital in Lexington as an inpatient in January of 1993, where his condition steadily declined. He’d been bald for some time by that point, but his facial hair was growing back, which seemed to bother him. He wasn’t allowed to shave, of course; the chemo kept his red cell count very low, so any nick would have been dangerous. He had my grandfather sneak him an electric razor, so he could surprise us with a smooth face. It worked, but his skin was so tender that he cut himself anyway.

He lost the ability to feed himself, and to speak clearly. He was always hot and thirsty. There was a cup of chipped ice next to his bed, and when I came in to sit with him I’d feed him from it with a plastic spoon. My mother taught me how to let it melt a little first. One chip at a time, she’d tell me. Be careful. Go slow.

It’s little surprise to anyone, I think, how much my siblings and I hate the smell of hospitals.

My father is very large in all my memories. He was quiet, and spoke most often with his great strong hands, which knew perfectly how to hold tools and keyboards and children. It must have been heavy irony to see me, small even for eleven, feeding him with a spoon he couldn’t lift anymore. I wasn’t conscious of it.

Dad died on February 17, 1993. Other than the normal blankness, I don’t remember any strong symptoms of denial, though I certainly made my share of mental bargains. My sister, more classically, spent some time after his death believing that Dad was a heroic covert agent, undercover and far away, on secret missions. She was eight. It’s not hard to guess that she’s always been a person of tremendous faith.

I’ve only ever had three dreams about him that I remember: one in high school, one in college, and one a couple of months ago. The first two times I was suspicious of him, untrusting; I knew he was an impostor.

I had a comic-book biography of the John Paul II when I was younger. Its most affecting part was its description of his life during and after the second World War. He had a great deal of contact with the Jewish community-turned-ghetto in Krakow, and he worked with underground resistance to the German occupation.

Hitler wanted badly to eliminate the literate and cultural power of Krakow. He failed. I didn’t understand the symbolism of this image when I read the biography, and I’m sure now that it’s not literal. It’s remained with me anyway: Karol Wojtyla, postulant priest, stealing into a bombed-out library to pull books from the rubble. Covert. A hero.

In addition to Caitlan’s car, which (after its acrobatics last Wednesday) is totalled, Ian’s car is now a danger to drive; he’ll probably have to sell it for parts. Regarding Mom’s van, the mechanic told her to keep driving it for what time it had left, then leave it wherever it broke down.

Jon and Amanda, on their way to Tennessee for Christmas, skidded on ice and ran head-on into a truck. They’re okay, but the car is gone, and Amanda’s collarbone is broken.

It has been a bad December for cars, and for my family; but I am shaken by how much worse it could have been.

A year ago I was writing about the earthquake in Bam. I thought an earthquake death toll of around 50,000 was the worst I’d see in my lifetime. I was wrong, of course.

Update 2330 hrs: And my grandparents flipped their truck on ice on their way to Florida for Christmas. They are also miraculously okay, and also currently without transportation.

Joe died very early Wednesday morning, in his sleep. The first report from his autopsy hasn’t established a certain cause of death; his heart was greatly enlarged, and he had a little cardiovascular disease, but was otherwise healthy. They’ve established that it wasn’t a heart attack, a stroke or an aneurysm. His sister Laura, a nurse who specialized in cardio, believes it was a rhythmic irregularity that could not have been predicted: he had no risk factors except that he was a male in his fifties with some family history of heart disease.

Ian, Caitlan and I are here in Richmond with my mom now, staying nights at Joe’s house near Lancaster to take care of the dogs and keep the fire going (it’s heated with wood). Caitlan flipped her car twice on the way to see Mom that morning; the car is probably junk, but Caitlan is okay aside from some whiplash. She’s attempting to incorporate her neck brace into various turtleneck ensembles.

Weather and other delays have moved things to after Christmas. The visitation will be at Spurlin Funeral Home in Lancaster from 3-8 pm on Sunday the 26th. The funeral will also be at the home, at 10 am on Monday the 27th. After the funeral we’ll proceed to Blue Bank Farm in Casey County, where Joe will be buried in our family cemetery, next to my father and my mother’s father.

Thanks to everyone who has sent condolences and well-wishes. I appreciate all your words; I don’t have time to answer you individually right now, but your kind thoughts mean a great deal to me and my family.

Donations may be made, in lieu of flowers, to three things Joe loved: the Garrard County Humane Society, Kentucky Educational Television, or St. Mark School.

The Christmas my mother was displeased

I think this is the best story about my parents, although there are many great ones.

In 1988 or possibly 1987, my father gave my mother all of the following as Christmas gifts:

  1. A typical Texas Instruments calculator with a slide-on case.
  2. A small calculator with metal buttons, fitted into a glass paperweight.
  3. A calculator with an AC adaptor, which could print its calculations onto a small roll of paper.
  4. A thin calculator that was part of a checkbook.
  5. A calculator with tiny, tiny buttons, which was integral to a digital wristwatch.

I think it’s only natural that he got a second, matching wristwatch as a present to himself.

Hi, Mom. I finally put up a permanent link to Anacrusis on the right side of the page (I think you are now the only person who reads the NFD front page, actually). That’s the place where I do the stories that you haven’t read yet. I promise there is not very much cursing in them, usually.

For the rest of you who read both notebooks, I should take this opportunity to state that while I endorse certain political ideologies, Anacrusis does not–except that, universally, it should be difficult for one human to kill another.

I have a new cell phone. I’m not really happy about this.

On the one hand, my family and I have had a chronic problem with going over our minutes, partly because we were all sharing the same plan and Ian and I used a lot more than Mom and Caitlan. We only had 800 minutes between the four of us, which didn’t work out that well. So it’s nice that Ian and I have our own plan, so Ian can ruin my credit instead of Mom’s. Also we have twice as many minutes to use, and now that I have Cingular unlimited wireless-to-wireless, I should be using significantly fewer minutes anyway.

On the other hand:

  • I have to transfer all my contacts from Layla. Manually.
  • This new phone is not Layla; it seems flimsier and less shiny, and definitely can’t be used as a flashlight.
  • One nice thing is that it doesn’t have a broken extendable antenna. Then again, it doesn’t have an extendable antenna at all, so when I have bad reception there’s not a lot I can do.
  • Oh, and the new phone is not red.
  • Plus its keypad buttons are that annoying two-in-one rocker style, which makes it more difficult to use without looking.
  • And there aren’t as many of them, which means reduced functionality.
  • But I can google from my pocket! Which is something I’ve always wanted to do.
  • But that’s going to end up costing me a lot of money, at a cent per kilobyte.

I don’t know, maybe I’ll learn to like it. I did with Layla. I still have Layla, in fact, although she doesn’t connect to anything anymore. I’ll probably take her battery out once I’ve got all my contacts and stuff transferred, to use as a backup, since it’s the same kind as the new one.

In many ways I still hate having a cell phone, but I’d grudgingly accepted Layla. This newcomer is not so easy to handle. I feel like a friend has moved away, and a smaller, more annoying person has taken her place.

The new phone does J2ME apps, though. I better get cracking if I’m going to port rfk.

I’m sending a packet of misdirected mail to my mother, only I don’t have a postal scale nor any way of getting to one. I judged its weight (by holding it in one hand and two sticks of butter in the other, and asking Maria’s friend Jackie to do the same) to be about 9 ozzes, which apparently costs $2.21 and thus consumed my last six stamps (= $2.22). Innovation!

Really hoping that’s enough postage now.

Last night Ian, Caitlan and I hopped in Ian’s car amidst pouring rain and drove down to Planet Thai in Lexington, where (as per Mom’s instructions) we surprised Joe at his birthday dinner. I’m not actually sure how old Joe is. My guess would be “bearded years old.”

In addition to Joe’s Eddie Bauer gift certificate, I got to give out the last of my California souvenirs–Joe got a t-shirt, Mom got a bar of Lily soap from the European-goods store in Lawrence, and Caitlan got a green Robin Hood hat from a vintage store in Berkeley (Ian had already received his copy of All Flesh Must Be Eaten). It was fun, especially since I had wrap-bagged the presents in the car, while sitting right in front of Caitlan.

Planet Thai was, by Mom and Joe’s well-honed Thai standards, a bit mediocre. Ian didn’t much like his pad thai, but I ate a whole lot of my crab fried rice. It was pretty subtle, though. It could have used about eight or ten more pounds of crab.

Ian and I left everybody else behind to continue on yet to Richmond, where we met the famous Katie and went bowling. Ian and Katie called each other names, and I bowled a two. This is harder than you’d think, especially with the gutter bumpers in.

Richmond doesn’t look strange yet, or maybe it doesn’t look strange anymore; I mentally moved out of there sometime during my senior year of high school. Not much has changed, except for the increase in liquor stores, which is rapidly approaching parity with the population.

It was a long night of driving, and I’m glad Ian was courteous enough to be my ride, especially with the roads as awful as they were at first. I fell asleep for a while on the way back (Mom and Dad drove me around when I was a baby to get me to sleep, so I pretty much always do this), and I think at one point I woke myself up by snoring. My neck hasn’t been quite right since, but on the other hand, I’m not dead in a car crash either. Ten points.

Right, Christmas. It was good! The Adkins-Wood Collective borrowed the infamous Deb’s house (she was out of town, and we’re homeless) for the fastest gift-opening we’ve ever had, then left in the afternoon to come to Louisville and have dinner with Joe’s sister Laura. Who I guess is now my aunt? She’d probably be weirded out if I called her that. While there, I met her stepdaughter, who I guess is now my cousin?

Normally I’d make some crack now about the new definition of family units in the new millennium, but to tell the truth, I feel kinda behind. I just got my first step-cousin-in-law, man, everybody else has had theirs for years.

But yeah, the dinner was good and Joe embarrassed Ian and me (but mostly me) at the pool table. I got warm socks, emo hoodies, the first season of Highlander and as many copies of Finding Nemo as I have hands. Mom was at least a little taken in by our we-got-you-DVDs, what-you-don’t-have-a-DVD-player, oh-well-you-get-this-present-too gag, and that was good. In grand Brendanian tradition, I forced Blankets on Ian and Daredevil: Yellow on Caitlan, things with which they seemed cool.

Man, have you heard about Blankets? Just… just google it and read a little. It’s pretty much everything they say.

The band was okay–nice people, just the Motown they usually picked to play was not slow enough to slow dance and not fast enough to fast dance. They did get everybody out on the floor, though, for “Brown-Eyed Girl.” My mom’s song.

I saw Ben McBrayer, whom I’ve been meaning to write, and a million people whose names I didn’t know I remembered. I was terrified I’d read my Corinthians too fast, but a lot of people complimented me on that, and on how much I look like my dad. Instead of best man and maid of honor, they had Best Moms–my grandmother Virginia and my new grandmother Betty Jo. Father Pat started to prompt them, but they already knew the vows by heart.

Maria was kind enough to drive down from Louisville to get me last night, and I’ve spent Thanksgiving with her family today; Ian’s at Noah’s and Caitlan is at our family farm. This week was the only chance they’ll have for a break together before Christmas. I don’t know how they managed to pull this whole thing off in six weeks, but it was…

About halfway through the service, one of the light bulbs right above the front row chose November 26th as its day to expire. Nobody noticed: my mother and stepfather were glowing.