Category: Stephen Heintz

In which I already break a promise

I know I said I wasn’t going to tell you every time we updated the podcast–I reserve that for spamming Facebook and Twitter–but seriously, you gotta listen to episode ten. One of the not-so-secret purposes behind the inception of the Hour of Knowledge was to help Stephen build a demo reel for his voice acting career, and this week’s show is a glorious vocal achievement. Even after engineering the audio (which means listening to every show, in chunks, about six hundred times), I still can’t make it through his half-improvised monologue without cracking up.

And Mom, this one doesn’t have any cusses!

In which all my pent-up ideas for Modern Humor Authority are finally unleashed… ON YOU

The Children's Hour of Knowledge

Stephen and I have a new podcast! It’s called The Children’s Hour of Knowledge and as you might expect from that title, it a) is not for children and b) contains almost no knowledge. But it is getting better every week! The first two episodes are up now, and the third will go up Wednesday, after which there will be a new one every Wednesday from now until forever.

We really hope you like it! It has a funny beep-beep sound!

The insignificance of numbers

Today I posted the 1001st story in Anacrusis, and I wanted to do something a little different for the occasion: an audio story, read aloud by a startling array of generous people. I thought the hardest part would be actually asking them to read the silly little thing without cringing, and the next-hardest would be the actual mixing process. It turns out that the hard part is not being able to use all the material from everyone for the whole thing. They were all so good!

Thanks to Robert Baker-Self, Maria Barnes, Amanda and Jon Brasfield, David Clark, Amanda Dale, Kevan Davis, John Dixon, Holly Gramazio, Josh Hadley, Sumana Harihareswara, Stephen Heintz, Catriona Mackay, William O’Neil, Leonard Richardson, Kristofer Straub, and everyone who’s had a kind or critical word to say about Anacrusis. Let’s do this again when we hit 10,201.


Stephen claims that by stretching the Proserpina story out, I am forcing him to write stuff like this:

Proserpina gets so good at punching (after practice) that she finds herself able to punch not only physical objects, but concepts as well.

“Ow!” says Love. “What was that for?”

“You were never around.” And she is gone.

“My arm!” says Loneliness. “Why’d you hit me?”

She sits, and begins to stretch. “You never left.”

Hours later, she’s still swinging.

Her cel phone rings. “nnnnJello?” she answers.

“There are some skinheads sitting at the bar, and everyone’s super uncomfortable. Can you do something?”

“Watch them a minute. Don’t hang up.” She squints, turns her head eight degrees and points at a thin figure. “Are you Nazism?”

“Ja. Unt?” The figure stands defiantly, arms akimbo.

“Prosperina, what are you–hey, they fell off their stools! How did you–“

Several punishing jabs and an uppercut later, Proserpina picks the phone up off the ground. “Anything cool happen?”

“Their hair grew back! Then they started making out!”

“Pff. Nazis. ” She spat.

… which I think is awesome. Rest assured, Stephen, you are not helping your own case.

Why should I update when I have Stephen to sing my praises in microfiction and Paint?

“There was once a small cat named Brendan Adkins. He lived a happy life in a happy house with his happy cat cousins and happy dog friends. Everything was great, all the time, every day. Little Brendan Adkins had kitty litter and yarn and a small rubber mouse to play with. He had everything!

Things continued on in this extremely pleasant fashion until one day, when their owner (a small Italian man whom Brendan had always suspected of being involved in the mafia, but felt guilty and prejudiced because of it) got trashed on horse and fed all the dogs antifreeze.”

Brendan's penis is nowhere near as small as you'd think it is.  He has a 'small-penis personality.'

I have whiplash now! Great! Dammit! This is from about eight seconds of headbanging during “Blister in the Sun” at Erin and Stephen’s wedding. I used to be able to dance like that for hours, and now my limit is less than eight seconds.

I guess having ruined my spinal column in college is worth some cred. Maybe.

Stephen and Erin got married! To each other! Stephen’s pastor talked about his webcomic in his toast! Stephen wins. (And now has to hope none of his grandparents remember to search for it.)

Erin Polgreen, we failed to intersect at brunch! Email me?

The Mayan Gypsy, probably our favorite restaurant, gets a nice writeup from the deplorably-named Louisville HotBytes (the closest thing we have to a Zagat’s). The critic (Paige A. Moore, according to the reprint in LEO) even praises the famous Beef and Shrimp Diablo.

Man, we haven’t been back there in a while. Want to take some guests next weekend, Maria?