I know the intertube already saw the superballs ad months ago. But did you watch the extended version?
Category: Mild Lunacy
Sumana, is this the party that bored you?
Hey, look guys! Guys, look! A major label is sponsoring a P2P service! It’s KillAweCellent! Let’s look at all you have to gain by switching from your current P2P network:
- Download one of literally hundreds of songs, in just hours, from another QTrax user!
- That means hours of fun avoiding “rollover to annoy” Flash ads for the Motorola BoxKuttr!
- Then listen to your music a certain number of times!
- And every time you listen, there’s a flashing ad on the screen telling you how to pay more money to listen to it again, or pay a monthly subscription fee!
- And you can’t put it on your iPod!
- Or listen to it in Winamp, iTunes, Windows Media or MusicMatch!
- L-Linux? Gnrt! Mpf! GnaHA HA HA HA! That was pretty funny. You’re funny!
- Our poor, hungry artists get compensated! Where by “compensated” we mean “a fraction of the profit we make off the ad displayed while you’re downloading, which was already less than one cent!”
- Now, if you have ever used any other P2P network, you will be aware that certain software tools will break the DRM on QTrax songs and allow you to listen to them as long as you want. The tool for QTrax files, called “mpq2mp3,” will be available roughly ten days before the service launches!
- Don’t get it or use it!
- Because we’ll still try to sue you!
So what have we got here? A service that offloads bandwidth and hosting costs onto you, that allows you to do what you were already doing, only with broken legs and a leaky gut wound, and you can watch ads or pay to do it. Sounds like a BitTorrent killer, guys! WHOO HOO! Champagne enemas all around!
No one outside of EMI will ever use QTrax.
La Pieta Brenna
Look, Brenna, I’m glad we’ve given you a solid foundation in the classics. Clearly your sense of composition is shaping up nicely, and if you want to pick up some influence from Michelangelo, that’s fine.
But let’s face it, your choice of subject matter is a little trite, and your gestalt here…
Darling, it fairly smacks of kitsch.
Maria is sick.
Brendan: “I should go get you some cough syrup.”
Maria: “Hmm… I don’t know how I feel about that. The guy in the X-Files sent somebody out for cough syrup, and he died. But then again, he was British.”
Brendan: “… Your logic is flawless.”
Further shillings
Man, I think I’d want to see Brick even if its protagonist wasn’t named Brendan. It’s cheap smart indie high school noir with weird slang! At last, people are making movies specifically for me! Next I want Michelle Kwan buy me a pony.
Brick has a tentative release date of April 28 at the Baxter. Anybody else up for it?
One of the hilariously demented* developers who works on this floor has recently posted a sign in his cube, which reads “Abandon all hope ye who enter here.” I, being much cleverer and more handsome,** immediately thought “ah ha! This human has printed a corrupted version with the incorrect word order! The correct phrasing is ‘abandon hope all ye who enter here.'”
I was so certain of this because my version fits nicely into an iambic pentameter, while his doesn’t (you can make it fit, but that involves stretching a short vowel to a long syllable and vice versa). But it turns out neither of us was right: the Divine Comedy translation which spawned the phrase, by H.F. Cary, actually goes “All hope abandon ye who enter here,” which is much better and still in perfect iambs. Bah! Iambs are fickle! That’s why I support dactyls. Want to hear more about the Pro-Dactyl Initiative? Contact your local poet laureate today.
* Developer may be neither hilarious nor demented.
** I am very handsome and clever.
Twister is a felony
Brendan: So which is better–dragon princesses, or dinosaur princesses?
Maria: Oh, definitely dragon princesses.
Brendan: You think so? I don’t know…
Maria: Oh, come on. Dinosaurs only happened because the dragon bloodline got watered down.
Maria and I (and Michael and Danielle) are going to New York! On a trip! Ballers: You can come over on Tuesday, but we won’t be here, so you may have to play games in the hall. I am pretty sure that is illegal!
My brother Ian wants to move to Hawaii and live in a sailboat. He also enjoys poker.
Me: Bad news–all gambling is illegal in Hawaii.
Ian: Illegal gambling isn’t!
Dun dun DUNNN
“The fingerprints of zombies are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.”
Sumana takes the old disappearing sock meme and makes it funny and touching. That’s skill, gentlemen–skill like we’ve not seen. Not since Morocco. Haskins! Initiate the Marianas Contingency! Good God, man, there’s no time to lose!