1. Do you own enough shit?
   

   YES

   NO

2. Of course you don’t. Get some more! This is easy, because of Capitalism.
3. GOTO 1
4. Uh oh, it’s time to move! You’d better pack all that up, drive it around, and carry it up stairs. But your fleshy man-body is weak! What will you do?
   • Hire professionals
   • Ask your friends for help, but pay them what you would pay professionals
   • Ask your friends for help, on Valentine’s Day, in eight-degree weather, and repay them with Mexican food that you didn’t even buy, your girlfriend did
5. Wow, you’re kind of a bastard! But at least all your shit is moved now.
6. Wait! You still have more shit to move! How did that happen? You’d better stay up until 3 am. You can move the rest tomorrow! I mean today!
7. GOTO 4

Thanks to Maria’s parents Mike and Susie, Scott, DC and Beth. We owe you guys a hell of a lot more than those enchiladas.