Want to establish that a character is weird and emotionally vacant? Have him count things! This works because everyone has seen Rain Man, or references to it on Animaniacs.

Example One

Topaz opened the door at Jake’s knock. “Oh hey,” she said. “Glad you found it. Sorry about the stairs.”

“I don’t see how you walk up those every day,” panted Jake. “Whew.”

Example Two

Topaz opened the door at Jake’s knock. “Oh hey,” she said. “Glad you found it. Sorry about the stairs.”

“The staircase is very long,” Jake agreed. “It has one hundred and seven steps.”

Now, which of these Jakes is deranged? I bet you already know!

It’s the second one.

Today’s Hack in a Nutshell: It is impossible to like numbers and still have feelings!