I wrote an ultrashort as per Leonard’s idea, and the next day I saw this story linked on Dave Barry’s blog.
The cars are waking up. I’d just walk everywhere, if I were you.
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Dear gentle reader: this blog has been operating continuously since I was a teenager. The writing below is at least a decade old. In that time every molecule of my body has been replaced, along with many foolish ideas and flighty beliefs. I want to keep some of those things public out of an honesty and humility I owe the world. I trust you to carry that context with you.