Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Brendan’s Disorder
Cause: poor dental hygiene
Symptoms: excessive hand numbness, vertigo, American accent, slightly squeaky voice
Cure: drink more tea

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See, it’s funny because I actually have a casual acquaintance with Dr. Unheimlich, and (I assume) he knows I have an American accent. Darn you, Dr. Unheimlich!