Do you, like any right-minded American, often find yourself daydreaming of the near-erotic qualities of homemade confectionery? Do you loathe the undead? In an attack simulation, would you be one of the fork-wielding souls who turned to spit your fury full in the gibbering face of the forces of Baron Samedi?
Hi, I’m Brendan Adkins. You may remember me from such films as Mission: Implausible and Pirate Isle 4: Rhinobreath’s Revenge. I’m here today to let you in on an exclusive opportunity, available for a limited time only: the chance to join your kindred spirits, the righteous and the hungry, in Zomziepie.
The benefits of the community are many. You’ll be able to pool your own zombie-combat wisdom with that of other experienced veterans, and you’ll have the privilege of sneak peeks at new and adventurous pie recipes. You’ll gain access to our 24-hour-a-day global database of undead activity, which you can conveniently check from the comfort of your pastry kitchen. In addition, with your membership dues, you’ll receive
- nothing
And much more. The choice is clear: Zomziepie is the interweb’s hot spot for these rapidly converging fields. Get in on the ground floor–call today!