not falling down

I’m twenty-five and I drink at least one sugary soft drink a day. I specialize in baking cookies. I rarely drink milk and I don’t chew sugarless gum. Yesterday, I went to the dentist for the first time in three years.

I have, as always, zero cavities.

WHERE IS YOUR SCIENCE NOW?

Camilla made another Anacrusis picture, this time of Valentino. How perfectly appropriate! If I had posted this four hours ago! Seriously, I like it and it’s once again a cool image that’s different from what I, um, imagined. That is a really good thing.

1. Do you own enough shit?
   

   YES

   NO

2. Of course you don’t. Get some more! This is easy, because of Capitalism.
3. GOTO 1
4. Uh oh, it’s time to move! You’d better pack all that up, drive it around, and carry it up stairs. But your fleshy man-body is weak! What will you do?
   • Hire professionals
   • Ask your friends for help, but pay them what you would pay professionals
   • Ask your friends for help, on Valentine’s Day, in eight-degree weather, and repay them with Mexican food that you didn’t even buy, your girlfriend did
5. Wow, you’re kind of a bastard! But at least all your shit is moved now.
6. Wait! You still have more shit to move! How did that happen? You’d better stay up until 3 am. You can move the rest tomorrow! I mean today!
7. GOTO 4

Thanks to Maria’s parents Mike and Susie, Scott, DC and Beth. We owe you guys a hell of a lot more than those enchiladas.

So I understand why people like me like Portland, and part of it is that it really wants you to like it. It wants that so bad. It got itself a giant bookstore and really good pizza, and it rounded the edges off all the public iconography. It combined low but steady pedestrian traffic with worthwhile public transportation. It cleaned up the litter and slathered itself in wifi! It put flowers on its manhole covers just for you.

And the only real negative I’ve got to answer that is that it seems a hell of a lot like bait? I suppose that’s habitual post-hipster paranoia, but seriously, I’m waiting for the catch to spring. Maybe it’s just that if you live here you forget what black people look like. This place is whiter than a snow leopard eating ice cream off my butt.

So this is the room into which we checked, late Monday night.

And this is the room we were in three hours later.

So my advice is, always complain about the air conditioning.

These images brought to you by my new wide-angle lens, which is the second-sexiest thing I own, second only to my new Bose Wave WHY DO I KEEP BUYING SHIT SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE ME STOP

Humans! I seem to remember that some of you live in Portland? Maria, the Revolution and I are here too! Until Saturday! Maria is attending a conference for people who know everything, and I am sitting in a hotel room working. Later? I may go to a coffee shop.

Anyway, we should get lunch, or you should at least recommend things to try. Unless you don’t care about us! Dick.

How have I not written about this yet! My uncle John has returned to blogging, and he’s busily winning merit awards with his fantastic collage pieces, of which I own two, which means I am also a winner.