{"id":236,"date":"2006-04-18T10:57:33","date_gmt":"2006-04-18T15:57:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.xorph.com\/uj\/2006\/04\/18\/my-new-name-is-impossible-to-pronounce\/"},"modified":"2007-12-21T18:52:34","modified_gmt":"2007-12-21T22:52:34","slug":"my-new-name-is-impossible-to-pronounce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/uj\/archives\/236","title":{"rendered":"My new name is impossible to pronounce"},"content":{"rendered":"

\nNow I shall be forever known as—\n<\/p>\n

\n

Farcus Farklehumperdinck<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Unless I start with “Uncle John,” which seems entirely appropriate for this site, and instead become—\n<\/p>\n

\n

Goober Pottyshorts<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

. . . I’d better go back to the first one quick, before that gets around.\n<\/p>\n

Anyone can visit the Scholastic Website<\/a> and use the evil “Name Change-o-Chart 2000,” or just follow the chain-email instructions currently circulating.\n<\/p>\n

This whole bit of nonsense sidetracked me when Snickle Pottybrains<\/a> sent her silly email, reproduced below.\n<\/p>\n

I’d best get back to work before Sloopy Farklehumperdinck<\/a> catches me.\n<\/p>\n

— — —\n<\/p>\n

We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute. Please don’t be a bore and ruin it.\n<\/p>\n

Send it on and include the person that sent it to you. Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day.\n<\/p>\n

Here is your dose of humor…\n<\/p>\n

A. Follow the instructions to find your new name.
\nB. Once you have your new name, put it in the subject box and forward
\nit to friends and family and co-workers.\n<\/p>\n

Don’t forget to forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated. And don’t go all adult — a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer.\n<\/p>\n

The following is excerpted from a children’s book
Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants<\/span>
by Dave Pilkey,
in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new name.\n<\/p>\n

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:\n<\/p>\n

a = snickle
\nb = doombah
\nc = goober
\nd = cheesey
\ne = crusty
\nf = greasy
\ng = dumbo
\nh = farcus
\ni = dorky
\nj = doofus
\nk = funky
\nl = boobie
\nm = sleezy
\nn = sloopy
\no = fluffy
\np = stinky
\nq = slimy
\nr = dorfus
\ns = snooty
\nt = tootsie
\nu = dipsy
\nv = sneezy
\nw = liver
\nx = skippy
\ny = dinky
\nz = zippy\n<\/p>\n

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:\n<\/p>\n

a = dippin
\nb = feather
\nc = batty
\nd = burger
\ne = chicken
\nf = barfy
\ng = lizard
\nh = waffle
\ni = farkle
\nj = monkey
\nk = flippin
\nl = fricken
\nm = bubble
\nn = rhino
\no = potty
\np = hamster
\nq = buckle
\nr = gizzard
\ns = lickin
\nt = snickle
\nu = chuckle
\nv = pickle
\nw = hubble
\nx = dingle
\ny = gorilla
\nz = girdle\n<\/p>\n

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:\n<\/p>\n

a = butt
\nb = boob
\nc = face
\nd = nose
\ne = hump
\nf = breath
\ng = pants
\nh = shorts
\ni = lips
\nj = honker
\nk = head
\nl = tush
\nm = chunks
\nn = dunkin
\no = brains
\np = biscuits
\nq = toes
\nr = doodle
\ns = fanny
\nt = sniffer
\nu = sprinkles
\nv = frack
\nw = squirt
\nx = humperdinck
\ny = hiney
\nz = juice\n<\/p>\n

Thus, for example, George W. Bush’s new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.\n<\/p>\n

Now when you SEND THIS ON… use your new name as the subject.\n<\/p>\n

Put more laughter in your day.\n<\/p>\n

Remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day.\n<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Now I shall be forever known as— Farcus Farklehumperdinck Unless I start with “Uncle John,” which seems entirely appropriate for this site, and instead become— Goober Pottyshorts . . . I’d better go back to the first one quick, before that gets around. Anyone can visit the Scholastic Website and use the evil “Name Change-o-Chart […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/uj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/uj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/uj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/uj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/uj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=236"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/uj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/236\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/uj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=236"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/uj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=236"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/uj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=236"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}