{"id":2346,"date":"2011-06-03T07:00:55","date_gmt":"2011-06-03T15:00:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/?p=2346"},"modified":"2011-06-02T22:09:50","modified_gmt":"2011-06-03T06:09:50","slug":"the-funniest-people-on-twitter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/2011\/06\/03\/the-funniest-people-on-twitter\/","title":{"rendered":"The funniest people on Twitter"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>In no particular order.  Some of the following use their streams purely to deliver high-wattage comedy beams straight to your swimsuit area, others are just general life tweeters who happen to be funnier than I will ever be in my wildest dreams even with other people helping and also the audience is on nitrous because they make poor life decisions.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/kellydeal\/\" style=\"display: block; margin-right: 10px; float: left;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/images\/kellydeal.jpg\" alt=\"Kelly Deal\" border=\"0\" height=\"48\" width=\"48\"><\/a>\n<div style=\"font-size: larger; float: left; max-width: 400px;\"> Apologies if I accidentally sexted you yesterday, I was just trying to clean some hot sauce off my phone&#8217;s screen with my mouth. <\/div>\n<div style=\"clear: left; height: 0; overflow: hidden;\"><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/kellydeal\/\">Kelly Deal<\/a> was in the Breeders but will only admit it if you ask her about it enough times.\n<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/katsnacks\/\" style=\"display: block; margin-right: 10px; float: left;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/images\/katsnacks.jpg\" alt=\"Kat Snacks\" border=\"0\" height=\"48\" width=\"48\"><\/a>\n<div style=\"font-size: larger; float: left;  max-width: 400px;\">Can your uterus lining &#8220;drop a deuce&#8221;? I wonder how many followers I just lost.<\/div>\n<div style=\"clear: left; height: 0; overflow: hidden;\"><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/katsnacks\/\">Kat<\/a> is the only one of these people I could meet if I wanted to, specifically by driving a mile up MLK to her club and paying her twenty dollars. I would never do that. Where by &#8220;that&#8221; I mean &#8220;make it past the Mongolian BBQ place with a hot twenty in my pocket.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/whathappened\/\" style=\"display: block; margin-right: 10px; float: left;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/images\/whathappened.jpg\" alt=\"What Happened\" border=\"0\" height=\"48\" width=\"48\"><\/a>\n<div style=\"font-size: larger; float: left; max-width: 400px;\">&#8220;Hey sweet cheeks, howsabout you ride that bike down to the DQ and pick me up a banana nut whip?&#8221; I said, high-fiving myself in the mirror.<\/div>\n<div style=\"clear: left; height: 0; overflow: hidden;\"><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/whathappened\/\">Elisabeth<\/a> really likes Jesse Thorn but look, we all have glaring flaws that will send us straight to Hell someday.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/AnnieW\/\" style=\"display: block; margin-right: 10px; float: left;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/images\/anniew.jpg\" alt=\"Annie W\" border=\"0\" height=\"48\" width=\"48\"><\/a>\n<div style=\"font-size: larger; float: left; max-width: 400px;\">Just now, a ring totally deteriorated until it literally fell apart on my hand. These cleaning chemicals mmmay be too strong.<\/div>\n<div style=\"clear: left; height: 0; overflow: hidden;\"><\/div>\n<p>I guess <a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/AnnieW\/\">Annie Wu<\/a> does art that makes Warren Ellis and James Urbaniak clutch their faces and weep with adulation or whatever? Anyway I like it when she makes sitting in her room and drawing sound like an Upton Sinclair book.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/shelbyfero\/\" style=\"display: block; margin-right: 10px; float: left;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/images\/shelbyfero.jpg\" alt=\"Shelby Fero\" border=\"0\" height=\"48\" width=\"48\"><\/a>\n<div style=\"font-size: larger; float: left; max-width: 400px;\">Found a quarter stuck to my back. Everything&#8217;s coming up Shelby!<\/div>\n<div style=\"clear: left; height: 0; overflow: hidden;\"><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/shelbyfero\/\">Shelby Fero<\/a> is not her real name, I hope, because she&#8217;s fucking seventeen years old for Christ&#8217;s sake I&#8217;m just gonna go learn how to drink alcohol now.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/boobsradley\/\" style=\"display: block; margin-right: 10px; float: left;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/images\/boobsradley.jpg\" alt=\"Boobs Radley\" border=\"0\" height=\"48\" width=\"48\"><\/a>\n<div style=\"font-size: larger; float: left; max-width: 400px;\">I refuse to see movies that critics deem &#8220;fun for the whole family,&#8221; because most of our grandparents are pretty racist.<\/div>\n<div style=\"clear: left; height: 0; overflow: hidden;\"><\/div>\n<p>Okay, this is a true story. There are, by some estimates, 200 million people on Twitter.  One day I was talking to my friend <a href=\"http:\/\/buriedwithoutceremony.com\/\">Joe<\/a> and he was like &#8220;so have you found anyone cool on Twitter recently?&#8221; and I was like &#8220;well, I found the funniest person on Twitter, yes.&#8221; And he was like &#8220;really? The funniest.&#8221; And I was like &#8220;yup.&#8221;  And then there was a pause.<\/p>\n<p>And then he said &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/boobsradley\/\">Boobs Radley<\/a>?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>And I said &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/www.twitter.com\/boobsradley\/\">Boobs Radley<\/a>.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Anyway Joe and I are getting married now (it&#8217;s okay, he&#8217;s Canadian).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In no particular order. Some of the following use their streams purely to deliver high-wattage comedy beams straight to your swimsuit area, others are just general life tweeters who happen to be funnier than I will ever be in my wildest dreams even with other people helping and also the audience is on nitrous because [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[73,22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2346","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-digital-neighbors","category-plugs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2346","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2346"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2346\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2363,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2346\/revisions\/2363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2346"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2346"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/nfd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2346"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}