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Dear gentle reader: this blog has been operating continuously since I was a teenager. The writing below is at least a decade old. In that time every molecule of my body has been replaced, along with many foolish ideas and flighty beliefs. I want to keep some of those things public out of an honesty and humility I owe the world. I trust you to carry that context with you.

November 10, 2006 /

I want to try something different again. Send me a first sentence exactly six words long, and I’ll write the other ninety-five.

November 8, 2006 /

This is mostly for my own future reference, but the apples I found labelled “Mountaineer” at Whole Foods are just slightly superior to Fujis in every way. A little more tart and crisper, with thicker skin, less wax and a better texture. They asymptotically approach the quality of apples from my grandmother’s orchard, which is probably the best any commercial apple is going to do. Unfortunately, they seem to be available only in season, so it looks like I’ll be back to eating Fujis (which are, to be fair, far superior to any other cultivar) in a month.

Data point: since I started eating roughly four to five apples a week–something like a year and a half ago–I have not been sick. Magic? Or coincidence?

November 7, 2006 /

I discovered quite by accident on Saturday morning that there exists a DOS emulator. Then I installed Master of Magic and played for thirty hours straight.

I love Master of Magic like I will never love another game. It has cute animal friends and pixelated graphics. It has tremendous strategic depth and the addictive buddha-nature of One More Click. Every time I think up a new idea for a computer game, it is basically me trying to replicate the thrill of a cartoon devil telling me my granary is complete.

How to write this post.

October 27, 2006 /
  1. Your package has finally arrived. Open it. It is a refurbished MacBook!
  2. Boot it up to see if it works. It does! Have Maria show you neat tricks in OS X.
  3. Snip open the mylar packets of RAM and new hard drive that you bought to make this thing more than a toy. Crack the case and immediately fall prey to the shit hell middle screw of death.
  4. Break Maria’s screwdriver trying to get it out. Yes, the screwdriver. Don’t even scratch the screw.
  5. Become very irritable and take it out on the dog. Buy more screwdrivers and, in a fit of bad decision-making, WD-40.
  6. Screw will suddenly decide to pop out about six hours later. Replace hard drive and RAM. Upgrade mood.
  7. Reinstall OS X. Install Boot Camp. Try to set up partition for Windows.
  8. You have erased OS X! GOTO 7
  9. Obtain Microsoft Windows™ XP Professional patented encrypto-mathic secure Protectivation Key™ by advanced method of asking a couple dudes.
  10. Install Windows. Accompany Maria to hospital (she is working; note that in current state of health she should possibly be a resident). Find Wifi. Post.
  11. Profit!

October 24, 2006 /

There is a package coming to me. I live in Louisville. Where the big UPS hub is.

This is where I show you the tracking screen, indicating that the package arrived in Louisville and immediately went to Lexington.

Somebody sold you a bad algorithm, UPS.

Update 10.25.2006 0057 hrs:

And, twenty-four hours later, came right back to Louisville.

October 17, 2006 /

I have whiplash now! Great! Dammit! This is from about eight seconds of headbanging during “Blister in the Sun” at Erin and Stephen’s wedding. I used to be able to dance like that for hours, and now my limit is less than eight seconds.

I guess having ruined my spinal column in college is worth some cred. Maybe.