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September 23, 2004 /

They replaced a bunch of parking meters on and near my street today, which means I just have to go out with a shovel and whang them all sideways again.

Unrelatedly, I was getting on the bus this morning when I saw a few shiny white cars all together, emblazoned with the following decals:

Louisville METRO PARKING ENFORCEMENT

and, slightly smaller,

EMERGENCY 911

I am still trying to envision a scenario to justify their coexistence.

Jasper takes off his hat to scratch his head. “See, it’s parked just… right up on the curb, there. A red curb. I don’t know, Waylon, what should we do?”

“Do?” snaps Waylon. He jerks the cell phone out of Jasper’s kangaroo pocket and thumbs three buttons. “I need the Louisville Metro Parking Enforcement Squa–“

Before he can finish the word, a driverless Corolla squeals up the street and whips around, braking hard. A man and a woman in suits and sunglasses parachute into the seats.

“Agents Long and Dervish,” says the woman coolly. “You called?”

Then, some buildings explode.

September 23, 2004 /

Oddly, today is the third anniversary of NFD. I still like this thing, although its relevance to my life is decreasing; Anacrusis is a better place to go if you’re interested in the text I output.

Really should update the IdiotCam, though.

September 23, 2004 /

Leonard has pointed out that that picture‘s caption is incredibly fake when you think about it for a second, as I failed to do. The concept of “home computer” in 1954 would have been equivalent to “home aircraft carrier” today; there was no concept of the use for one, much less a market, and it’s not like whatever device actually is pictured there would have had any home applications itself.

I still want to know why there’s a steering wheel and a teletype, though. Maybe it’s for trying to drive a vehicle without a windshield. Or… or a very complicated bank vault.

September 17, 2004 /

Dammit, Chad Burbidge, I know you read this at least sometimes, because your name is on my search referrer list every month. Quit hiding and write me already!

While I’m talking about referrer logs, I apparently got like 1500 hits in the last week from an unassigned IP address in a block that belongs to Microsoft. Eh? I guess it could be some forwarded Hotmail email; I don’t think it’s MSN search, because my logs notice that. Or maybe I have a whole bunch of fans who all use the same MSN ISP account.

Oh, and Leigh-Anna Donithan, do you still exist? You are not in my referrer logs, but if you ever egosurf and find this, you should write me too.

September 17, 2004 /

I just described (in my last post) a state of consumer gluttony as “getting all American,” which is really inaccurate because most of America is not, in fact, part of the United States. I mean, I’m sure there are poor-yet-rich fat people in Canadia too, but you see the point.

There is no good word in English for “of / from / relating to the United States,” which is why we use “American,” and that’s dumb. I seem to remember that Spanish has “Estadounidense,” which is great but comes from a whole other language, and English-speakers should be able to do better than that.

Here’s a list of alternatives I’ve come up with.

  • United State-ian
  • United Station
  • United Static (currently my favorite, and the most accurate)
  • Unish
  • State-Uniter
  • New! State-Unit
  • New! Statoid
  • Ämerïkaans
  • USch

September 17, 2004 /

Here’s some things.

Thing One I never write about my life in here anymore, because I’m increasingly disconnected from school (a drive-through with occasional stressfalls) and work (a drive-through). Of the interesting things I do in my free time, everybody who’s interested in them is, well, already there (see Blognomic, Anacrusis and Tuesday now Thursday Night Basketball).

Thing Two But there is something I need to write about my life, which is that last Tuesday, Maria and I accompanied her mother on a trip to Sam’s Club. While hungry.

Never do this.

You can pretty much guess the results. We got all American on that place, and will never be able to eat everything we bought before it spoils. Anybody need, oh, an acre of croissants or two stone of grated parmesan? Come on over! We ran out of cabinet room!

Thing C I can’t figure out if I like Buttercup Festival or not, but it’s hard to resist a Sharpie-drawn strip that features Space Björk and mouth harp-loving frogs.

Thing F I have succumbed to clickolinko.

Thing Last Ergo, PUPPY!