Category: Conspirators

February 3, 2004 /

“I don’t know how many of you have had uncontrollable hiccups with three holes in your stomach, but it sucks butt. It sucks the biggest butt.”

Stephen relates the harrowing Story of Stephen’s Appendix. I called and sang to him a couple times, which I firmly believe is the only reason he survived.

January 28, 2004 /

Hey, I show up in a Google News search! Thanks to those plays we did. I mentioned I was going to help out with some plays a while back, didn’t I? They went well. The audiences were small but nice. I only missed one sound cue in six performances, so I feel okay about that.

We debuted our little improv troupe, too, which also went fairly well. We did have to deal with a horrible performance space and karaoke downstairs (we asked them to, oh, turn it down a bit just from 2300 to 2400 hrs, and they agreed, and then turned it way the hell up), but we did well all the same. Our last show, this past Saturday, was probably our best yet. I was glad that was the one to which most of my friends came. I rode Greg the Terminator to Wal-Mart after drinking twelve tubs of movie butter, and Nicole and Richard were psychic. Evan was so emo it hurt (for that matter, Evan was so emo he got a LiveJournal but won’t tell me his name).

On a completely unrelated topic, I really, really need to draw comics again.

January 20, 2004 /

(Yale calls me and tells me that my brother is going to throw his desk off the roof of their house.)

Yale: … And there’s power lines and stuff down there, and I don’t think he should do it. So call him and tell him not to. Okay?

Me: Sure, Yale. (I hang up and dial Ian.) Can’t believe Yale’s trying to restrain Ian… (Ian picks up.) Hey?

Ian: Hey?

Me: Yale wants me to tell you not to

Ian: Already did!

January 16, 2004 /

Last night I forced Ken to eat the worst chicken parmesan I’ve ever made (Maria, wisely, pleaded a weak stomach) and then we made DC come over and randomly watched Empire. Which, you know what? Is a pretty funny movie.

For instance, up until Cloud City, somebody dies every time Darth Vader is on camera. He strangles people who take responsibility, he strangles people through the TV screen, he strangles people while other people pretend not to notice. And then there’s the part where one of the Star Destroyers gets hit by an asteroid, and its captain in the little holo-display looks horrified and disappears, and Vader doesn’t bat an eye. Or doesn’t act like it, anyway. Finally, at the end, after they barely lose the Falcon, Admiral Piett (who’s been standing around nervously as others fall like wheat the whole movie) watches Vader walk off in a cold silence and just swallows once. The expression on his face is great.

Maybe that’s the problem: thinking about the last two movies, I can only remember two jokes that didn’t involve Jar Jar.

January 16, 2004 /

Gave blood today. Hoping this doesn’t bode ill for the Street Legal debut later tonight. I’ll try not to throw anybody. Also, because of the way my blood sugar finger-prick and today’s blood iron finger-prick are positioned, I can squint at the middle and ring fingers of my left hand and pretend they’re a hammerhead shark.

Oh, and yeah. Project Improv is putting on a couple of non-improv comedies this weekend and next: Peace by Aristophanes and Fools by Neil Simon. I’m running sound for both, as is my wont, and Yale plays an old woman in the latter, so that pretty much guarantees all the fun you can have with or without pants. There’s some kind of afterparty thing (after every show) at Bearno’s, and Street Legal has been chain-ganged into performing something or other (after every show). Thus the debut. I won’t get to change clothes between now and then, so I’m going to be the only one not wearing jeans. Like… most of my life.

Have I ever mentioned that I don’t wear jeans? Well, I don’t.

Peace runs tonight, Sunday and next Saturday, and Fools alternates with that. I’d see Fools, if I were you, unless you’re really into Greek comedy. If you want to see anything at all. I’m… I’m just gonna leave, okay? We’re not really getting anything accomplished here.

January 11, 2004 /

So last night, me and Alison and Evan and some other people went to this hot new club? And I GOT US KICKED OUT.

I’d like to say it was because I put a bouncer through the mirror in the hallway, but actually it was because I was wearing tennis shoes. “Good catch,” they said to each other as they hustled me out. I laughed and went home.

January 9, 2004 /

Whoa! Moon shot!

If this ever comes to anything, it could actually make things really convenient for a certain movie franchise that has yet to be written.