{"id":5174,"date":"2011-05-12T07:00:16","date_gmt":"2011-05-12T15:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/?p=5174"},"modified":"2026-08-19T14:05:18","modified_gmt":"2026-08-19T22:05:18","slug":"interspecies-diplomacy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/2011\/05\/12\/interspecies-diplomacy\/","title":{"rendered":"Interspecies Diplomacy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><i><a href=\"http:\/\/stephenheintz.tumblr.com\/\">Stephen Heintz<\/a> forgot to title this story<\/i><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;A magic talking monkey!  Incredible!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>It sighed.  &#8220;As I&#8217;ve said several times now: I&#8217;m a chimpanzee.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The human was bouncing with excitement.  &#8220;Who cares?  You&#8217;re magic!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I care?  Chimps are smarter, we don&#8217;t have tails&#8230;  It&#8217;s a pretty big difference.&#8221; The chimpanzee rolled its eyes.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Can you grant wishes?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Sure, lots of &#8217;em.  To people who don&#8217;t call me a monkey.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The human stomped his foot. &#8220;So that&#8217;s it?  I don&#8217;t get wishes?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s right.&#8221;\u009d<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;You&#8217;re an asshole!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;No, I&#8217;m a chimpanzee.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The human reached for his machete.  <i>I can probably get a few wishes out of that paw,<\/i> he thought.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Stephen Heintz forgot to title this story &#8220;A magic talking monkey! Incredible!&#8221; It sighed. &#8220;As I&#8217;ve said several times now: I&#8217;m a chimpanzee.&#8221; The human was bouncing with excitement. &#8220;Who cares? You&#8217;re magic!&#8221; &#8220;I care? Chimps are smarter, we don&#8217;t have tails&#8230; It&#8217;s a pretty big difference.&#8221; The chimpanzee rolled its eyes. &#8220;Can you grant [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1576],"class_list":["post-5174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-stephen"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5174"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5174\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5523,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5174\/revisions\/5523"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}