{"id":3877,"date":"2009-12-16T07:00:21","date_gmt":"2009-12-16T15:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/?p=3877"},"modified":"2009-12-15T23:50:52","modified_gmt":"2009-12-16T07:50:52","slug":"a-horror-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/2009\/12\/16\/a-horror-story\/","title":{"rendered":"A Horror Story"},"content":{"rendered":"<div title=\"Lessons I took from A Christmas Story: 1) Everybody hates children. 2) You will inevitably be mutilated.\">\n<p>The Higbee&#8217;s Santa lives alone, and keeps his red suit on a hat tree by the door.  He&#8217;s eating dinner under a bare bulb when Ralphie&#8217;s face appears outside his window.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Jesus!&#8221; says the Higbee&#8217;s Santa, jerking back from the table.  &#8220;All right, real funny, kid.  You some kind of peeping&#8211;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>He hesitates.  Ralphie isn&#8217;t peeping.  His eyes are ruined, pierced by the shards of his shattered glasses.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;What the fuck happened to you?&#8221; he whispers.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;He shot his eyes out,&#8221; says Flick, opening his tongueless mouth to disgorge a torrent of blood.  The Higbee&#8217;s Santa screams and screams.<\/p>\n<p>Merry Christmas!<\/p><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Higbee&#8217;s Santa lives alone, and keeps his red suit on a hat tree by the door. He&#8217;s eating dinner under a bare bulb when Ralphie&#8217;s face appears outside his window. &#8220;Jesus!&#8221; says the Higbee&#8217;s Santa, jerking back from the table. &#8220;All right, real funny, kid. You some kind of peeping&#8211;&#8221; He hesitates. Ralphie isn&#8217;t [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[2293,2292,2294],"class_list":["post-3877","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-flick","tag-ralphie","tag-the-higbees-santa"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3877"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3877"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3877\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3879,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3877\/revisions\/3879"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3877"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3877"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.xorph.com\/anacrusis\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3877"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}