If you’re enjoying the Ashlock stories, you will definitely want to follow along with Wolverton, a fantastic series in the same world and format that Ben Carson is posting on a matching schedule. He also keeps coming up with cooler and more exciting twists, which is great, not at all like he’s making me look bad and had better WATCH HIS ASS OR ANYTHING CARSON
For your convenience and edification, I present herein the Brendan Adkins Lunchtime Heuristic Decision Chart. It has served me well for years, and I can confidently recommend its immediate adoption.
Kara took about eighteen pictures of Lou Ferrigno at Emerald City this year because she was fascinated (not in a good way) with his biceps. I urged her to stop, having heard tales of Ferrigno’s anger at people who took his picture without paying–it is his only job, after all–but honestly, I think now I see what she was saying.
Credit for that picture to Josh Trujillo; you should click through to check out the gallery, which has cute kids in costumes.
Sick Kara is zoning out watching The Lost World on TV. It occurs to me that the moral of all the Jurassic Park movies, as explicitly stated by Jeff Goldblum and borne out by events onscreen, is this: “Quantum physics guarantees that you will be killed by dinosaurs.”
I never really liked the films, but I could get behind that premise.
Whoa, uh, remember that entry I wrote the other day about a 500% tax on corporate political contributions and campaign spending? Apparently Alan Grayson had the same idea. Like, exactly the same idea.
I sort of don’t think it will pass, especially with a figure as junior and divisive as Grayson sponsoring it, but hey! That’s pretty cool! There’s petition from Credo out there to show support for that and some others of his bills, which, y’know, is an Internet petition, but still.
Over on the Facebook feed, Stephen kindly took it upon himself to respond to my last post with 101 words that simultaneously satisfy all my plot-criteria:
Melinda looked down at her gun. “I had no idea this had so many bullets in it,” she yelled. “Turns out I’m pretty powerful, even though I am a woman.”
A pause for dramatic effect, then: “Now if I can just quit being so sad all the time, I can find out who had sex with all of my dogs.”
Melinda had thirty dogs.
Suddenly, her phone rang! It was her best friend who said, “I had sex with your other best friend yesterday!”
Dramatic pause. Then she (the best friend on the phone) said, “My desires are tearing us apart!!!!”
So that’s that, I guess. No more need to read stories! Thanks, other stories, you can go home now.
In mid-writing session:
Brendan: It’s a pretty old joke structure, but as Tina Fey has pointed out, if you get to a certain gag density people don’t notice that kind of thing. Many of the jokes in Arrested Development are groaningly old, but nobody notices because they come so thick and fast.
Brendan: … This is the part where you make a joke about coming thick and fast.
Stephen: I WOULD TOTALLY COME THICK AND FAST WITH TINA FEY
Brendan: There you go.
Brendan: Hey, pdiddle. Wait, two pdiddles! They crossed just in front of us!
Kara: Two whats?
Brendan: Pdiddles? Cars with one headlight?
Kara: Oh! You mean a beerfuckyou.