not falling down

I got into UCLA and U of L; word about money is pending. Maybe Carnegie Mellon wasn’t a fluke. After my conversation with UK the other day, I got word from U of L that they didn’t have my scores either, and was I sure I had them sent? Sitting at my desk with a receipt showing scores and their names and codes, yes, I was quite sure indeed.

Hey, what a funny coincidence, I thought. That was the same receipt with IU and UW on it. The two schools I didn’t get into.

Hang on a bit.

You know, I never liked standardized tests, even though my ACT score essentially got me my scholarship here. I did fine, but I didn’t like taking them, I don’t like the assumed universality of the results, and I don’t like the way they screw with people’s heads. Now I’ve got another reason: they apparently don’t like to perform the services they promise.

On the advice of that same guy at UK, I complained to ETS, and got a response a couple of days later saying the scores had been sent again to UK and U of L. We’ll see, I guess. I mentioned UW and IU in my complaint, but I think they ignored that–I also mentioned that I’d already been declined there. I really do wonder if they ever got my scores, and whether they just got tired of waiting and turned me down instead of requesting that I send them again. I even thought about litigation, but at this point, what would it accomplish?

So basically what it comes down to, now, is UK, U of L, UCLA and CMU (Dartmouth hasn’t responded, but they don’t even have a financial aid program, and at this point it wouldn’t be worth the cost). Thoughts:

• UK: Nothing against anyone there, but I won’t go to UK if I have any other options, and I do, so I won’t. This might be my only chance to escape from central Kentucky, even if it’s only as far as Louisville, and I think I have to take it. Even more than I did in high school, I want out.

• UCLA: Obviously the program is first-rate, but I worry whether I’d be able to keep up. I’m a good student, but I’m not a great student, and I’m not a mathematician. If I do get some kind of aid–especially merit-based–would I be able to keep it? Also, the cost of living in Los Angeles would be a huge step up from here.
• CMU: Same worries as UCLA, but amplified; Carnegie is consistently ranked among the top three CS schools in the country. I really like everything I know about the school, but I have no wish to be ground under and stumble out after three years without a degree or a penny to my name. There’s also no aid whatsoever, and I’d have to wait to even apply for an assistantship, but Maria keeps telling me it’s possible to go without aid if you combine private and Stafford loans.
• U of L: I want to go to Louisville, plain and simple; if I can get money there it will be my solid first choice. I wonder, though, about whether I want to go there for the right reasons. I’ll have friends and a roommate there, and a Centre / U of L CS alum I wrote this weekend says it’s less academically challenging than Centre.

  Is it a safety program? Could that affect my career adversely? The fact is that I’d probably do fine in a slightly cushier environment; I’m a better programmer than most people in the department here, but my grades are around average. But how much will grades matter in the job market, compared to school name? If I’m going to invest this much time and (future) money, I don’t want to my Master’s to lose that job at Blizzard to the the whippersnapper Bachelor’s from NYU.

I’m putting off choosing for now on the excuse that I need to know more about money. I already turned down UC, my only sure scholarship, because the deadline was the 18th. That felt risky, but really it wasn’t. Going to U of L with even mild aid, for example, wouldn’t cost much more than what the UC scholarship wouldn’t have covered; the other schools would be financial burdens, but more than make up for them in name value.

I read a long excerpt at the University of Chicago Press site (found via Sumana) about choosing a grad school, and it gave me a lot to think about. They all support choosing the best school you can get into, but then say that being with a supportive faculty is better than working under chilly top researchers. They also cite the large number of postgrad students who don’t complete as evidence of the difficulty, and as a deterrent to people considering it casually. So is it better to choose a program in which you know you’ll do well over one with a great name that could kick you in the teeth? I don’t like the (arrogant, maybe) idea of being a big fish in a little pond, but then I don’t really know that I would be.

Questions, only questions. I’m one of those people who wants all the answers before I do anything big, and I don’t think I’ll get them this time.

Tired. Legs hurt. Bouncing.

Yesterday we got caught with the backlash of the campus-wide virus warning–I did more scrambling between computers, but all five of the calls I answered (from frosh girls: predictable but disappointing) were false alarms. I think they just wanted to be part of something exciting. I think that’s nice. I suggest rock diving.

Whenever I wasn’t doing that, I was standing over grad schools with a bat. First, I tried to get this… woman at U of L to walk ten feet and pick up the last piece of my application. She says it only takes about a day to decide once the application is complete, and the transcript is definitely the last piece, and I have yet to hear anything either way. Why? Because “the fax machine is acting funny.”

Second, I finally called UK to inform them that yes, my GRE scores were forwarded in January, as I told them in February, and would they mind taking a look? Oh, says Mister Admissions, the “electronic version didn’t upload right,” but now that I’ve informed them the scores are there, they should be fine. Meanwhile, since it’s April, there are no assistantships left. I’m pondering litigation, or (more satisfying, less expensive) actual use of the hypothetical bat. (You know. Like hitting them with it.)

One of my drafted-but-unused journal entries was about my bemusement at the sheer rarity of competency on this campus, and the apparently unusual fact that all of my friends are competent, useful human beings–in fact, that most of them are experts in some way. I was going to wonder if such a disparity existed outside the Centre bubble. If the people I’ve dealt with this week are any indication, I feel no need to wonder anymore.

CSC 336 Software Engineering will be taught by Prof. Baxter, who also teaches computerscience at the University of Kentucky. The course has been moved to 8:00-9:30 a.m. TR inOlin 124.

Uh huh. Yup. Fuck theregistrar.

Hookorcrook.com is not taken; byhookorbycrook is, unfortunately, and there’s of course nothing there. Anybody whosquats on a domain name and a) points it to some popup-ridden, cheapass “portal” or b) doesn’t even bother to point itanywhere should be taken out in the street and shot. Fuck the registrar, and fuck register.com.

(Mom: that wasn’t the part I wanted you to read exactly. More the picture. Please sit down.)

Exams happening, haven’t had a chance to see Clones yet, blah blah blah I won’t care in a month. I’m not in much of a mood, as two of the mostbeautiful people I know are leaving my school for other schools this week. I’ll have a hard time not remembering Anna;I wish I had more memories to remember of Summer. I wish anyone but me had tried to convince her to stay. I wish anyoneelse had really wanted her to.

But!

A few hours of finagling on my part, and voila–I am no longer a Music Writer (ie desperately out of my depth) but aCreative Writer (ie out of my depth with water wings). It’s only the second day of classes and already I’m causingtrouble. Sue me!

My thoughts on MUS 124, yesterday, went quickly from “Hey, it’s cool, he’ll adjust for different skill levels” to”SHIT! HEADLIGHTS!” Dr. Bitensky’s idea of “little experience” and mine are rather different, I’m afraid. I would haveloved to hang out and jam, play some percussion, and learn about writing music; the class as set up,unfortunately, was more like writing a whole lot of music right now. I could theoretically have gotten throughit, but I’d rather wait until next year and take an entry-level theory class. I think I’ll get the same benefit, andprobably a much better grade.

So this morning I trailed my roomies to ENG 280 and, though the guest prof is a bit of an odd anatida, hada lot of fun. The ensuing paper chase to get myself transferred was mostly boring, cold and stressful, but suffice itto say that there are some pretty helpful people on this campus and some really unhelpful ones. I’ve said it before,I’ll say it again: fuck the Registrar.

Now I’m going to write a story about barf on a t-shirt. Whee!