not falling down

Now if you know me, you probably know a little about my interests–leisure, art, foreign tonguesand sport. Were you inclined to say such things, you could say I’m something of a Renaissance man(although I might, as a result, be inclined to hit you in the mouth). What you may or may not knowis that, lately, I find myself focusing more and more on one development of modern man with anintense–nay, single-minded concentration. That development, of course, is: the butt.

Now, some of my fellow tail-chasers have been known to express as a maxim that bigger is better.I? Not so. Nor do I follow the teachings of those who claim that only an exhaustively toned rear end is worthnotice. I prefer to pursue something more philosophical, you might say–an ideal butt, one from which everyone can benefit. Though Ihave claimed to have spotted a butt with such Platonic qualities in these parts, continued refusalsfrom its owner to allow further appreciationhave, sadly, forced a slow slide in status.

In my quest for this sublime rump, I have defined a number of necessary attributes to eliminateless qualified contenders. Like the bed of a dumptruck, they follow:

• Stage Presence (a preparedness to be put on display)

• Decorum (the correct anti-thong attitude)
• Behavior in company of otherrumps
• Quality of owner’s person

Will the world ever see a derriere with the quality, quantity and quid pro quo to match thesecriteria? In the end, we can only rely on the auspices of natural selection, rappers, finemens’ publications–and hope. Should you know of any particularly apt booty, please sendinformation to our Rapid Response Team and wepromise to investigate immediately.

Ladies:I’m talking to you.