not falling down

Before I was born, my father had surgery for periodontic disease. They gave him a local anaesthetic, cut his gums open, pulled the flaps up above his teeth, and used metal tools to scrape away the dead tissue underneath before sewing them up again.

I’m a six-year veteran of badly administered braces, and I’ve had five regular teeth pulled plus four badly impacted wisdom molars. I am no stranger to dental horror, but I really want to avoid the above experience. Thus it was that yesterday, I began flossing.

It makes me feel old and boring, and when I swish water around in my mouth, it feels like my teeth have shrunk.

I still can’t get over that metric system column. She writes exclusively for the Internet, then proceeds to assume that her entire audience consists of Americans, and Americans with a third-grade worldview at that. Hello, Martha! Did you know they have the Interweb in other countries now? Yes! Even Indoo China!

Actually, maybe she’s just assuming her audience knows as much as she does.

I really need to quit reading MSN articles. They in no way enrich my life, and they make me a lazy writer by allowing me to post stupid headlines with sarcastic comments and pretend I’ve accomplished something.

MSN:

New Dinosaur Found Murdered, Execution-Style

Idiot Columnist asks ‘Whatever Happened to the Metric System?’; Later Found Murdered, Execution-Style

Tom Green: Dead? Or what?