KK’s Blog

Well they came to look at the heater this morning, and then they came again this afternoon. The boiler is broken or something. And they’re going to try to fix it, but if they can’t, they’ll have to get us a new boiler. And maybe get us some little heaters for the time being, I hope. I took a bath this evening, just to get warm. And during my tutorial, the room was quite warm, but I refused to take my jacket off because it was just nice being sort of hot. But at least they’re working on it. It would figure something has to be broken in the place I’m staying.

But my tutorial went well today. He said he could really see an improvement since my first essay as compared to my fourth essay. I’ve gotten the hang of using historical events to prove my points rather than just listing historical events because they need to be mentioned. I still have to work on showing the necessity of my points, why one reason can’t just explain it all and why I have to go on with another reason to help explain it. I was really nervous about this essay, though. The question was, why did the Cold War end? Talk about a question that is debated in international relations theory. No one saw that one coming, and then all the theorists were scrambling to explain it after the fact. So it seems hard to put in a little over 2000 words, about 4 pages, an answer to a question that experts have written books about, and nobody has really come up with an answer that everyone agrees on. Which I know that’s sort of how every essay is, but I found this question really daunting. But he said the essay was quite good, and I think we had a good discussion too.

Afterwards, I went to Sainsbury’s and bought some Pringles. I already have Pringles, but I bought more because they are buy 1, get 1 free right now, and they’re in a bigger can than usual. So I now have enough Pringles to last me the whole rest of the year. I will buy no more Pringles in England ever again. It’s actually weird because I feel like I have to have Pringles while I’m here. In the US, I rarely eat them, but here they’re a necessity. Maybe just because they’re familiar food. Although I eat a lot more sweets here too. People say it’s comfort food, but when I’m home all I crave is salty. When I’m here, I go through cookies like no other.

It’s weird to think of things as the last time I will ever do them over here. I’m halfway through my last regular tutorial. I only have four more regular essays, actually I could even say 2 more because I only have to do six for this paper, but I’ll probably just go ahead and do eight so I’ll have more to study later and more to talk about in the tutorial. This is my last autumn in England. I’m very happy about that because I miss autumn in the States, but at the same time, for the past three years, I’ve been in England from October to December. That seems weird too. Who actually studies in another country for 2 1/2 years? It’s surreal if I actually think about it. But then, I usually don’t because I’m too busy studying.

Well this has been a rather random blog entry. The main thing I wanted to say, though, was that I’m halfway through this term and I’m almost done for good with regular Oxford stuff! Soon all I will be doing is revising, which will still be stressful and hard, but it will be nice not to have a completely new topic every week. Instead I’ll be revisiting old topics that I’ve already forgotten about. So exciting.

Elsa and I have been trying to figure out how to turn the heat on in our flat, but we haven’t been successful. Unfortunately, the maintenance man is not here this week, so we can’t get it fixed. Fortunately for me, I have a heater that Ashley bought last year and left with me. Unfortunately, it broke yesterday. I guess I had it on too long, and it just shut off and now it won’t turn back on. It makes me very sad. I guess I’ll just have to stay under the covers a lot. Or go the library or something.

Other than that, it’s almost the end of the week. I was actually ahead of things, finished my cold war tutorial readings pretty early yesterday, so I could have started the essay then and not been rushed today. I wrote an introductory paragraph. And then I fell asleep early. I don’t think it’s just procrastination that’s making me not do it though. I tried yesterday, and I just have no idea what my argument is going to be. The question is why did the Cold War end, and most of the readings I’ve done focus on how realists could not explain it, so their theory is wrong more than why it actually did end. So we’ll see how this essay turns out. Probably not as good as last week’s essay, which I was nervous about, but he said was quite good. I had a balance between historical facts and analysis, which I’ve been struggling with.

As for my other tutorial, it wasn’t as terrible as it normally is either. I didn’t feel quite as stupid afterward. I still have no idea what I’m doing, and whether I’ll be able to do it, but this time rather than talk about the whole thesis, which I think Mark thinks is a complete disaster (hence the me feeling like an idiot after every meeting), instead I presented a model. So I was actually showing him something economics-related like in a real tutorial. Now I just have to figure out how to modify it. Which it would be really cool if I could do what he wants me to do, but I just don’t know if I can. Oh well, that will be for this weekend, when I go to the library to keep warm. Right now, I need to hit the essay again. Maybe a night’s rest will get me back on track.

Did you know elephants like beer? Sort of sad.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21432722/?GT1=10450

Normally, I work all day Saturday, at the library. And then Sunday, I go to church, talk to Kyle, and do pretty much nothing. This weekend, I decided I would switch it up. I went to the library for about an hour on Saturday, but then I didn’t really do anything else. So I said I would do work Sunday, until Sunday came. Then I decided I would switch my room around instead, and read my books that I brought for fun. I read for about a half-hour on China, and I did laundry too. Sent some e-mails about my thesis proposal and stretched my sore muscles from walking. So it wasn’t a completely lazy day, just not school-related. And I’m glad I did it. Last week was just really busy, and I think I deserved a break. This morning, I’ve been pretty productive. I actually ate breakfast, and I started working on my model for my thesis so I can present that to my tutor on Wednesday. And now I’m getting ready to go to the library and read until my tutorial at 4:30. Then I’ll try to do some more work on my model, and take the evening off like I usually do after a tutorial. I just don’t think that stress is good for me. I’ve been working really hard on not stressing out, and, I think as a result, I haven’t gotten sick since coming over here, which is pretty big for me. And even if I don’t do the best I could do in my tutorials, I’m just accepting that it’s not worth killing myself in constantly doing work. I won’t get a first, but I’m okay with that. So I don’t have anything to write about really, just want to justify my break. And my new room arrangement is making me much happier. I think I can live with the small room now.

I found my retainers. How big of an idiot am I, you ask? A pretty big one. It was in the bag that I had planned on putting it in, the one I thought it would be in, but apparently even though the bag is about 2 inches by 3 inches by 6 inches, I couldn’t see that the red case was in there until I emptied the bag, which I was doing today as I was organizing things. So goodbye gap and hello pain for the next few days.

Well I’ve been sort of homesick the last couple of days. Maybe because I woke up and thought I was there, or maybe because I’m frustrated with both my tutors. Then this morning, I woke up and found that my front two teeth are definitely not touching anymore. I lost my retainers. Yes I’m a dork and I still wear, or wore, them. But I couldn’t find them before I left. And the reason I still wear them is because I’m afraid of getting the gap between my front teeth back. So for you readers of this blog, if I stayed with you before I left, if you could please look for them, and let me know if you find them. They are in a red retainer case, pretty small. But maybe they’re somewhere. Then I’d at least know I could wear them when I come back.

But anyway, this morning, I met Celia to go to church. I had forgotten but this week we had a visiting choir from Kenya at Mass. They sang and clapped, and one woman did this cool thing with her voice. There’s no way to explain it, but the music made me happy. I told Celia, I felt like I should have clapped after each song, and I wished they had had a CD to buy. Then I would just listen to that every time I’m feeling down. So I’m in a little better mood now. Just need to get some work done because I didn’t accomplish much yesterday.

I was lying in bed this morning, half-asleep, half-awake, deciding if I should wake up. I guess I was thinking about food. Then I thought some V-8 Hot and Spicy sounded really good. And I wondered if we had any or if my mom would get me some. Then I woke up and remembered I was in England. I don’t think they have V-8 Hot and Spicy here.

I’ve done a lot today, but I’m going to start with the last thing I did. I just had my tutorial, and it was really good. I don’t know if my essay was that great. Lee has us do cover sheets now, though, and I think I pointed out my weaknesses well. And then during the tutorial, I think I held my own. I’m still a little mixed up on dates, but I knew quite a few events, so I could point to examples. Now I just wish I had used them better in my essay, but the reason the tutorial was good was because I actually could use the examples to prove my point now, I think. So I feel like I learned a lot, and I think I did well in the conversation. So that made me happy. But then I was going to go shopping, and I forgot that everything except Borders closes at 5. And I didn’t feel like Borders today. So I came back here, and decided to write in my blog.

I think I’ll read a little tonight too. But at the moment, I have career magazines on my bed that I got from the Career Center this afternoon. I went there for a “Prepare for Career Fairs” presentation. Then tomorrow and Wednesday I’m going to go to a couple of career fairs, although there probably aren’t many companies there looking for someone to work in Louisville, KY. But you never know. And if nothing else, it will give me some experience at a career fair. So on Friday I think I’m going to go back to the Career Center when one of the Career Advisers on duty is a girl who is specializing in international students. So maybe I’ll have some things figured out about what I want to do when I get back.

Lastly, this morning I went to the Languages Center at the University. They offer language courses each term for 20 pounds. Unfortunately I was too late to register for the classes. But I’m on the waiting list. And even if I don’t get in, I went through the library induction so I can use the library. And they have a lot of resources. So I’m going to learn Russian. And Kyle said he would help. And then we can talk in front of people and they won’t know what we’re saying. Hehe. Or just go to Russia and be able to get around. So I’m actually going to try to do that. Russian may not be the most useful foreign language to have, but for me I think it’s still more useful than only Latin.

So that was my day: Language Center, Career Center, and tutorial. Oh my gosh, I’m writing a conclusion for my blog entry. I’ve got to stop writing essays soon. Can’t wait until June!

Yesterday I ventured to the Law Library here in Oxford. I had never been there before because I always use the SSL. But there was a book that I needed for my thesis that was only at the law library. So I forced myself to go there yesterday morning (I have real trouble with going to libraries other than the SSL, I get really nervous). I showed my Bod card to get in, and then it took me a little while to find the book. But then I worked for a couple hours, reading and taking notes. Then I went outside and had some packs of crackers and a granola bar for lunch. I knew if I went back to the flat for lunch, I probably wouldn’t make it back to the library. So I went back in, and got through the chapters of the book that I had wanted to. And I think I’ve found the angle in which I can make anti-trust law fit into my thesis. I have to think about it a little more, but I’m pretty sure it’s there. Have you ever done that? You know something will work, but you can’t put it into words yet, so you just have to think about it before you can write it out? I think I do that a lot.

But anyway, I went to the SSL after that, which is right next door to the law library. I checked out my books for next week’s essay, and then went back to my flat. I had arranged with Dr. Taul to meet him at 6:30 to chat for a bit because he left this morning. We ended up going to Queen’s Lane Cafe for dinner, which was really good. We had some good conversation, and it was nice to catch up with him. Before he got to his flat to meet me (he was a little late), I talked to Dr. Campbell, who is a music prof from G-town here visiting. We’ve never really talked or anything. I just know him from G-town concerts. But he said to tell him about myself. So I gave the rundown: lived in G-town til I was 4, then moved to Richmond, and now we’re a little bit everywhere with two farms, one in Casey County and one in Garrard County. And my mom teaches in Marion County. And then he asked me if my dad mainly worked on the farm. And I said he passed away. In life, I’m prone to thinking that anything that is different about me is just normal until I realize that it’s not that way for everyone. Now I know everyone doesn’t have a single parent, and of those who do, many of them are from divorce. But I usually don’t think about the fact that people assume I have a father who works or something. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I just realized last night that I never specify anything about my dad unless someone asks. Otherwise I just talk about my mom in response to parent questions, and don’t even think about the fact that people might wonder what my dad does.

Not exactly the same as thinking that no one can bend their thumb without their index finger bending also, which is what my right hand does. For those of you who know about this oddity, I just always assumed it was something weird with how people’s hands work until Kyle told me that I was the only one who had that trait. But there are a lot of strange things about me I guess, and I think it’s best if I just assume that I’m like everyone else rather than try to figure out why I’m different. So I guess I’ll just keep thinking like that. I’m guessing that not everyone has anxieties about going into a new library, but I have to go to the Bod to get a book as well, and I told Celia she would have to go with me. I’m fine coming to a different country to study, which many people tell me is very brave. It’s just going into the libraries by myself for the first time that takes the most courage for me. I know, I am weird.

I turned in my essay today. And it’s not due until Sunday. I probably could have had it finished yesterday, but I still got it done by the deadline which I had set for myself. I still pushed it pretty close to that deadline, but I resisted the urge to wait and finish it Saturday or Sunday. I thought about not turning it in yet and going over it more, but I knew if I kept it I wouldn’t get any work done on my thesis, and I really need to do work on that. So I just turned it in so I couldn’t think about it anymore, until Monday, when I’ll have to think about it before my tutorial. But now I can devote all of tomorrow to my thesis and maybe even do some work on it on Sunday, unless I do what I did last week and just be lazy. We’ll see. I’ll just be proud of myself for doing it this week, and hopefully I’ll be able to continue this pattern for the rest of the term.