Recipes for Friends

Time Out. June 1, 2007

I need a break from my essay. I’ve just written a bunch of random stuff and now I need to go back and put it into some organized fashion so that is at least looks like it answers the question, which isn’t really a question this week. Just a quote and “discuss.” I don’t like those. And usually for this tutorial, I have a bunch of graphs that I include, but so far, I really only have one that I think applies. Just glad that I shouldn’t have to present today. Graphs take up the majority of presentations usually. Or maybe I’m just completely missing out on something, and the other two are going to have a lot of figures to draw up. Oh well, that means it will be worth going to the tutorial, right?

So I stood up a few minutes ago to walk around my room, which I’ve done a lot this morning, when I finished typing another couple paragraphs that probably don’t go with the paragraph before or after them. And I was thinking that I need to get this essay mostly done before lunch because after lunch, I’ll have a half-hour and then I’m going to meet Sarah and Celia. I’ll still have time after I meet them before my tutorial, but I’d like to have it almost to the printing stage by the time I leave. And I was thinking, after this, I only have two more weeks left of term. Two more weeks until I go meet Christi and Melissa in Austria. Two more weeks, and I’ve finished my first year at Oxford University. A whole year at Oxford, as a real student. It’s really weird to think about. Sometimes my time at Georgetown seems like forever ago, and then other times, I wonder where the time went.

I went to Georgetown pretty much only because of the Oxford program. They gave me more money too, but it was mainly because I could get out of there and go to Oxford and get a degree from one of the most prestigious schools in the world. Then I could apply to Northwestern, get in there because they saw my Oxford degree, and get it paid for. I would become a famous journalist, or better yet, own and edit my own magazine. I had it all planned out. A lot of things have changed since then. Before, I daydreamed about coming to England and studying here. But as the time got closer, I wondered if it would really happen. I knew I would go over and visit, but who was I to think I would actually get in? I mean, I was known as the “smart girl” in high school, but that was in Richmond, Kentucky. I guess I was considered pretty smart at Georgetown, but I didn’t get any recognition for it. As I got into bigger places, I was realizing more and more that I wasn’t all that smart. And there were a lot of kids applying to Oxford. They said they accepted 1/3 of qualified candidates, that’s not even including the unqualified ones. And after my visit for a fall term, I didn’t even know if I wanted to come back. It wasn’t as romantic or wonderful as my daydreams. I just stayed in my room and felt miserable half the time. But I studied a lot too. I learned a lot. And apparently Regent’s took notice.

Somehow, I got in. I got my acceptance letter on what could have been a terrible day for me and my mom, but I still wasn’t the happiest. It meant I had a decision to make. I called Dr. Apple and he thought I hadn’t gotten in because of the tone of my voice. Well, we can skip ahead now. I accepted. I took out loans. I now am very familiar with flying on my own from one country to another, going through customs and passport control. Carrying four bags at a time, plus a coat with pockets full. And my iPod is my constant companion. And now I’m sitting in my room, looking forward to my lunch of fish and chips that I have practically every Friday, with the sun actually shining for once, thinking it’s pretty warm out. Then I realize, I’m thinking mid-60s is warm when in Kentucky, it is probably in the 80s. Oh well. I’ve given up my warmth in June for a good education. I’ve given up three Halloweens, three Thanksgivings, two Valentine’s Days, and an Easter in the US. Now I don’t even realize that US holidays are happening. Memorial Day was this week? Really? Oxford doesn’t believe in taking days off.

But I think, in the process, I’ve become more like an Oxford student. I used to worry so much about essays, now I just make sure I have something written. I don’t worry about what my tutors think so much, as long as I learn something so I can do well in my collections. And I know I can do well on collections. So now my only worry is final exams. Before that seemed so far off. But now, it’s just a year away. In one year, I’ll be sitting in uncomfortable, nice clothes, writing four essays in three hours, seven times. This is after I turn in my 50 page thesis. And then I’ll come out of my last one and get “trashed” (when all your friends “celebrate” with you by throwing eggs, flour, glitter, whatever on you when you come out of exam schools).

It’s crazy to think about. It’s crazy to think I’ve been living in England for much of the past year. It’s crazy to think I’ll be traveling Europe with my two best friends for two weeks. It’s crazy to think I’ll be doing it all over again this next school year. But sometimes I have to think about it. Let my mind reflect on it. Just say, “Time out” for a second before I go back to looking at another essay.