Rowing
So it’s been a crazy few days. On Sunday after church, I wasted a few hours going down to the river, and now it seems that I won’t even be rowing in Torpids if it does happen. First, Sunday we all went down to the river, but we didn’t have a cox yet. Hannah said it would be fine, we would find one. We weren’t even really supposed to be on the river because we had novices in the boat and it was amber flag, but we were going to break the rules. So it came time for our division and we still didn’t have a cox. Tori was going to cox the boys after us, so we were going to just wait for her and row after the boys. But then Tori called because she wasn’t in Oxford and had locked her keys in her car. So the boys finally found a guy to cox them, and we were going to hope Tori got back in time for us. So the boys put the boat out on the river and the marshal came over and looked at our boat, and apparently our boat license was expired. So after all that, we didn’t have a boat and couldn’t row.
Then we had a tank session yesterday, and I thought I did well. Matt said one thing to me, and I did what he said and that’s the only comment that was made about my rowing. Seems that means I’m doing well. Or maybe just that I’m so bad, there’s no point in trying to make me better. When I got in last night, there was e-mail with outings for this week and who would be going out. I’m not on the list at all. So I guess that means I’m not rowing in Torpids. I wrote Hannah an e-mail to ask. They seem to go about everything indirectly, never just tell you, hey you suck, you’re not rowing. It’s really frustrating because I have put a lot of time and effort into this (more than a lot of other girls it seems like), and then I just get depressed about it. I think rowing is causing more harm than good this term. I should just accept that the thing I can succeed in is academics, not athletics, though lately I don’t even feel like I’m doing that. I don’t know if I’ll even row next term. It’s just like being told my best isn’t good enough again and again. I guess I should be used to that by now.