KK’s Blog

Well yesterday wasn’t too eventful. My tutorial actually went pretty well, I think. There were times I was floundering for an answer, but I think I gave some good contributions to the discusssion. He said our essays had some good stuff in them, but he didn’t have a whole lot of comments because they were both very brief. Which I knew mine was somewhat shorter than some previous ones, but it was still 2000 words. Next week, we’re looking at power by looking at China. I don’t have to write an essay, but I think that topic will help me somewhat on my thesis background information, so I’m excited about the reading for once. After the tutorial, I came back to my room and had a late lunch. We had had a tank session during my normal time for lunch, so I hadn’t eaten anything. I was really glad that my stomach didn’t start to growl during the tutorial.

Then I started to read econ, and fell asleep before dinner. I like economics, but reading an econ textbook never fails to put me to sleep. So I didn’t get as much done as I should have, and after dinner, the Final Fling Launch Party was happening, so I went to that. The description said, “The name says it all.” I had no idea what the point of the party was. It was apparently to announce to theme of the Final Fling, the end of the year dinner/dance thing. It’s going to cost 30 pounds without the meal and 45 pounds with the meal. Everything here is so expensive. I guess I’m going to go, but I might skip out on the meal portion. Ula told me rowing is cancelled for Thursday also. It had already been cancelled for Wednesday. So now we wait to hear about Friday, not that I’ll be rowing, but hopefully I’ll be able to cheer them on. I’m meeting with my econ tutor from last term, all of us are, about our collection results on Friday, so that might conflict, but hopefully not. So that was my day, nothing too exciting.

I finished my last essay for this term yesterday. It wasn’t as good as it could have been because of time, but it’s done. And now I have no more essays to worry about until next term. And that’s all I’m saying.

I should be writing my politics essay right now, but I’m not. My brain feels like mush. Last night I turned in my econ essay a half-hour late, and the essay was good I think, I’m just not sure if I answered the question correctly or at all. I explained the economic model though. And I kept it to the length of my last essay. He said to try to take off a page each time, but that didn’t happen. I also had a whole lot of sources. I filled up the whole works cited page, which I haven’t done since I’ve been here. So it was my last essay for econ and the last piece of work my tutor will have before he writes my report. I am really not looking forward to my reports this term. I don’t think they’re going to be quite as praising as last term. I don’t know what it is about this term, but it’s just been bad.

But before and after that stress, the weekend was quite good. Friday night, Celia, Jennifer, Ula, and I went to Sarah’s for dinner. We talked a lot and then watched Vanity Fair, which none of us had seen and all of us decided we didn’t really like. It was very colorful and pretty, just weren’t satisfied with the story. So everyone left, and Sarah and I cleaned up before going to bed. I slept for about 9 hours, I think, and was not feeling nearly as sick the next morning. My throat wasn’t scratchy anymore, though my nose is still not back to normal. I read most of the day, taking a break for lunch and decided I would stay at Sarah’s Saturday night too. She had a bunch of girls over from church and had another girls’ night where everyone brought old clothes and make-up and stuff they didn’t want and traded. There was stuff left over at the end, so when I came down, Sarah said I should go through it. So I got some new clothes! We all watched American Dreamz, which was pretty funny. Then the next morning, I got up a little earlier and did some finishing up reading for econ. I had tea with Sarah, a South African tea that’s really good, for breakfast and then caught the bus into town to meet Celia for church. I got there early, so Sister asked if I would bring the gifts up. That always makes me nervous. But she kept my stuff in a room that was locked so it wouldn’t get stolen. Then Celia and I stopped by Sainsbury’s before heading back to college.

I ate some lunch and then worked on my essay like crazy. Then Dr. Hadaway had all the G-towners up to the G-town flat for an English breakfast for dinner, complete with sausage, bacon, eggs, grilled tomatoes, a mushroom, onion thing, and hot cross buns. It was very good. I left first, at 11, because I knew I needed to get some sleep so I could get my politics essay done today. I was going to try really hard to do really well on this essay, but now I don’t think it’s going to be great. There just isn’t time unless you work constantly with no breaks, and even then there might be too much. So it’ll be what it is, and I might get a bad report from him too.

Oh and to finish off this entry, yesterday we got an e-mail from Hannah, which was exciting:

Hey girls,

I have some awesome news to really motivate and prepare us for this week and to prove how our hard work and determination can really pay off…

We qualified fastest in rowing on! In a time of 3.29! That was 17 seconds ahead of St. Hughs, who we are chasing on our first day of
bumps racing! It was also only 28 secs slower than the boys! Not too shabby!

So well done to everyone for a really strong performance and lets really go into this week with this in mind, thinking positive and prepared to bump.

I lied because this is going to be another entry about rowing. First off, yesterday Hannah came by with our gilets, which is totally awesome, with my name on it and everything. So now we can all look the same in the boat. We’re so excited. And she said she had decided not to have me row because of my cough, and she hoped that was okay. I don’t know if she just said that to make me feel better or if it was the real reason, but I said it was probably for the best anyway. I started feeling sick yesterday morning, runny nose, scratchy throat, and I’m starting to stress about my last two essays. Reading for them is taking way longer than I anticipated. I spent all day yesterday on one reading. So then later, she came by because there was this marshal meeting for rowing, and three people from Regent’s had to go to find out what the marshals do and everything (make sure the river is clear and no boats are going to run into each other or a swan or duck, etc.). So none of the girls had volunteered, and two guys had, and they needed one more. I had hoped I wouldn’t have to, but I didn’t really have an excuse not to, other than reading, so I said if she couldn’t find anybody else, I would do it. So I’m pretty sure no one else got asked, but that’s okay. So at 7:30, I went and now I might have to do marshalling.

So today I wore my gilet, and I was getting excited about getting to watch the girls and cheer them on and take pictures. And it was fish and chips for lunch. I went to the library and worked all morning, and then came back to Regent’s for lunch and Johnny and Ali both asked me why I wasn’t rowing. But I sat where I could get served first so I could get down to the river in time to see the girls. So I was eating quickly when Ali came and asked Johnny if he had seen Jennifer. He said no. I said she had a tutorial today, so maybe it ran over (it turns out she was at her tutorial). But she wasn’t down at the river, and they couldn’t row with 7 girls. So Ali was on the phone with Hannah and said maybe I could do it. I said I wouldn’t be very good, but I could. Sarah (not South African Sarah, but the one who let me borrow her dress my first time here) and Ali both said I could take their bikes, but I said I was afraid of the consequences. I really need to learn how to ride a bike over this next break.

So I didn’t finish my fish, ran and changed out of jeans, forgot my camera (so I have no pictures, sad), and ran practically the whole way down to the river. And was in some serious pain and feeling like I wouldn’t be able to move my legs, much less make them do work, by the time I got there. I was too late for us to make it for our original division, but we could row in the next one right before the boys. So I rowed at 4, the one place I’ve never rowed before in the boat, and by the end of it, I could barely breathe, I was wet from splashing, and I was freezing, but I had left in such a rush, I hadn’t brought any extra clothes. Nicola let me borrow her hoodie. We rowed quite well, good balance, kept the rate up, but our pressure wasn’t that great, so we could have done better. Or they could have, I don’t know if I could have worked any harder. I haven’t been on the river in a really long time.

So it all worked out okay. Some people had brought some food down, and I was hungry since I hadn’t gotten my whole lunch, so I had a chocolate thing and another sweet thing called a flapjack (not a pancake). So I snacked, and later, I came back to my room and ate Ramen noodles and a cheese biscuit thing because I was still hungry. I’m telling myself it was acceptable, eating three times within 2 hours, since I didn’t really have a meal. Before leaving the river, we watched the boys, and they did really well. Then, Jennifer was coming down to the boathouses when we were leaving. She apparently didn’t get the last e-mail about a time change and had rescheduled her tutorial to work with the first time. I felt bad for her. But I’m glad we got to row. It would have been really bad if the girls had missed the qualifying round. But now it’s all good, and I got to save the day, which was fun. So now I’m completely exhausted, but I have to try to do a little work before I go to Sarah’s. Thought I would write in here first, though.

I try really hard to be an optimist. And I think I’m pretty good at it. I’ve always been sort of happy-go-lucky, most of the time. But this term has been trying really hard to make me a pessimist. And I don’t like writing in here about depressing things, but lately that’s what occupies my mind. And each time, I get over a disappointment, it seems like another one comes along. I’m definitely not rowing in torpids. Got the e-mail last night. I had gotten a response from Hannah earlier that said I might still be rowing depending on how the others did in the outings, but since I couldn’t come on Tuesday, she wanted to try the novices out. So in some ways, it almost seems like since I couldn’t go on Tuesday, that pretty much kicked me out. But I’ve told her a million times I have a tutorial then. I could go out later or earlier, but they just kept scheduling stuff then. And it also seems like they didn’t even give me a chance on the river. They just looked at erg times, I guess. But I feel like I do better out on the river, but I never even got the chance. And it’s not even that much that I don’t get to compete. I don’t really like the races, but I do like being out on the river, and I won’t get to do that anymore this term. But it’s more that it’s just embarrassing. I went from being pretty good to being one of the worst. And one of the main things I talk about concerning Oxford is rowing, and now I can’t because I’m not really on the team.

Ula came by my room yesterday afternoon after rowing and said she was wondering why I wasn’t out there, and I just had to tell her that they didn’t put me on the list, that they didn’t want me. She tried to make me feel better, said it was all just pain. She does have some pretty bad blisters. Then we decided to go on a walk, went to University Parks. It’s crazy because it’s so green and there are flowers blooming and everything. It was really pretty. So I told Ula I would still come and cheer them on. Just because I’m upset doesn’t mean I shouldn’t give my friends support. So I’ll be there, even if it is embarrassing. And that’s enough about rowing, no more entries on it besides mentioning if we won or lost.

So quick update on the rest of my life. Went to the MCR meeting and saw Sarah and told her about my bad days. We’re going to her house for a pasta dinner Friday, and she said I should just stay over, which I had thought about asking her, so I’m going to do that, maybe stay all day Saturday too. I just need to get away from Regent’s for a bit. It’s sort of stifling sometimes. I also had my politics tutorial Tuesday, and it went okay, except one time when I tried to use an example and it turned out to be completely wrong. I decided I’m going to turn my frustrations into doing really well on my last politics essay, so I still have a chance of getting a good, or at least decent, report.

Yesterday, I got up early and went to Mass and got ashes, though you could barely see them, but I didn’t wash them off. I decided my Lenten promise is going to be that I’m not going to snack. I might change it, but I’ve had trouble deciding on something that can apply to my life here and my life at home. I could do a two-parter, I guess. I talked to Dr. Hadaway at lunch, and then went to my econ tutorial after my walk with Ula. My presentation started out a little rough, but I think it was okay by the end. I also finally got my collections back for politics last term, and did even worse than econ. Got a 54, which is still a 2:2, but not very good. Hopefully I’ll do better next term. I fell asleep really early last night. I’ve been so tired lately. I just want to sleep all the time. Then time will pass by faster and I can be home sooner. Now today I’m going to work all day on politics, econ tomorrow, and then stay at Sarah’s for the weekend and have a little relaxation, I hope.

Okay, so yesterday wasn’t all bad. Sunday night I fell asleep at 8, woke up at 11, and worked on my econ until 2 in the morning. I had gotten an extension because of the rowing stuff. So then Kyle called me Monday morning to make sure I got up at 6, so I could finish up the econ. I got it done, barely, before the tank session, so Jennifer and I could leave after the tank session for London to go see Wicked. We found out there’s a good ticket deal for the coach if you leave after 3 p.m. so we only had to pay 7 pounds round-trip, which was cool.

We had planned to meet Kristie and Ryan there at 5, but we didn’t get into London until 5:30, but then they were running late and got there around then too. So it worked out perfectly, and we went to eat in the food court of the train station. We ended up all sharing a family meal from KFC. Only 3 pounds 50 for each of us and we got quite a bit of food. We couldn’t believe we were actually eating at KFC, but I guess it’s appropriate. Verity met us up there around 6:45, and we wandered around the train station for a bit to kill time. Then we headed over to the theatre, which is right across the street from the train station.

We took lots of pictures outside the theatre, and then found our seats, the very last row, but right in the middle, so they were still pretty decent and we could see. I’m glad I remembered my glasses though. The play was awesome, amazing, happy ending, and good story, all having little things that explain parts of the Wizard of Oz. It made me so happy. I had to force myself not to think about school, which was hard, but I did it. I don’t know how to explain the play, but I’ll put up pictures later. I really need to be getting to the library now, but I wanted to put up a happy entry after my dismal rowing one.

So we got out of the theatre and headed toward where we catch the coach, and right as we got there, mine and Jennifer’s was pulling away. I waved, but he didn’t stop…at first. He pulled over at the next bus stop, which wasn’t one of his, and we ran and he let us on. So that was really nice, and I’m glad we didn’t have to wait another half-hour. It had started to rain, though we could have gone back into the train station. I fell asleep on the bus ride home, so it went quickly. Got back to my room and fell fast asleep before getting up early this morning to prepare for my lovely tutorial today.

So it’s been a crazy few days. On Sunday after church, I wasted a few hours going down to the river, and now it seems that I won’t even be rowing in Torpids if it does happen. First, Sunday we all went down to the river, but we didn’t have a cox yet. Hannah said it would be fine, we would find one. We weren’t even really supposed to be on the river because we had novices in the boat and it was amber flag, but we were going to break the rules. So it came time for our division and we still didn’t have a cox. Tori was going to cox the boys after us, so we were going to just wait for her and row after the boys. But then Tori called because she wasn’t in Oxford and had locked her keys in her car. So the boys finally found a guy to cox them, and we were going to hope Tori got back in time for us. So the boys put the boat out on the river and the marshal came over and looked at our boat, and apparently our boat license was expired. So after all that, we didn’t have a boat and couldn’t row.

Then we had a tank session yesterday, and I thought I did well. Matt said one thing to me, and I did what he said and that’s the only comment that was made about my rowing. Seems that means I’m doing well. Or maybe just that I’m so bad, there’s no point in trying to make me better. When I got in last night, there was e-mail with outings for this week and who would be going out. I’m not on the list at all. So I guess that means I’m not rowing in Torpids. I wrote Hannah an e-mail to ask. They seem to go about everything indirectly, never just tell you, hey you suck, you’re not rowing. It’s really frustrating because I have put a lot of time and effort into this (more than a lot of other girls it seems like), and then I just get depressed about it. I think rowing is causing more harm than good this term. I should just accept that the thing I can succeed in is academics, not athletics, though lately I don’t even feel like I’m doing that. I don’t know if I’ll even row next term. It’s just like being told my best isn’t good enough again and again. I guess I should be used to that by now.

Yesterday, I worked all day on economics, and I felt like I accomplished nothing. I kept reading things over and over again and just couldn’t find the answers. I should have worked on the presentation first, but I thought if I got the short answer questions done, that would help me with the presentation. But I don’t know where our tutor gets his questions. It’s definitely not from the books. I had four econ textbooks and three sets of lectures notes and handouts in front of me, and on half the questions, I had to try to find answers on google. So today, I actually do have this race thing, which I’m dreading, and I don’t have the questions or the presentation finished. I don’t know if the questions will get done before 7. I wrote Chris an e-mail and told him that, although technically he said we didn’t have to do the questions. He just recommended it, which of course means I’m going to do them. I’m struggling with the presentation too because it seems like it’s just a bunch of different graphs, not much notes. So I guess that’s what I’ll do.

At 6 last night, I went to meet all the G-town people and administration who were taking us out to dinner, president, two VPs, and Dr. Hadaway. It was a good dinner, but lots of the talk was about promoting G-town and then at the end there was a little drama between the guys and girls because the guys called a cab before we were out of the bathroom and then Jennifer left her camera inside and couldn’t find it, so we were waiting in the cab and the tab was running up while we waited for Jennifer. So we all went to Stanley Road, and Jennifer vented to me and we talked a bunch. At the end of the night, she walked back with me to Regent’s because she said she didn’t feel like being social. She brought her bike so she could ride it back. So it was nice to have company. But I didn’t get back until late.

So this morning, I tried to wake up early to get work done on econ. So I’m going into this race with not much sleep and stress about this econ. We’ll see how it goes. None of the girls are confident that we’ll do well at all, so at least we’re all in the same boat (no pun intended). Well I guess I better be getting to church, so then I can head down to the river. Hopefully it won’t take long and I’ll still get back here in time to finish my presentation.

Yesterday as I was walking to our erg session, I was thinking about how much I didn’t want to be going there, especially since I feel like I’m doing worse than everybody else. And I was trying to figure out why I was doing so badly when I realized that pretty much everyone on the crew now has a bike to go everywhere. And I think it’s more my strength than my being out of shape that hurts my split time. I just don’t get as much strength into the pull, and they say that it’s more your legs than the arms where you get the power. And biking I think probably builds up leg strength quite a bit more than walking, even if it is walking really quickly. So I don’t know if that’s really what it is, but that’s what I’m telling myself. There’s stationary bike in the same room as the ergs here at Regent’s, so I might start doing that some. I don’t mind riding a bike nearly as much as I hate doing ergs.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. After a completely unproductive morning before lectures, the rest of the day I did work quite a bit. This morning I went to the library and did some more work. I’m trying to get everything done by Saturday in case we do actually have this race thing on Sunday, which will take up a lot of time.

Oh, also, another quick update, I got tickets to see Wicked in London!! Jennifer, Kristie, and Ryan (all G-town people) are going with Verity and me. Celia backed out because she has family coming this weekend and she says she can’t give up that much of a Monday on work, which stinks. But I’m still excited, so that’s where I’ll be Monday evening. Yay!!

Yesterday was much better than Monday. I woke up to a phone call from Kyle and a dozen facebook gifts of roses. He said he was going to wait until Valentine’s Day, but decided I sounded like I needed them sooner. It made me smile and started out my day on a good note. After I got myself out of bed, I went down and did a 20-minute erg. I did better than before, got 4050 meters, and they say to aim for at least 4000. So I e-mailed Hannah my distances and stuff. Then I was in a good mood, I guess from the endorphins. Because that’s always what I give credit for my good moods. I came back to a light on in my room after my shower. I still don’t know if it was the bulb or the fuse. I had a big breakfast of an egg and toast and juice. Then I went to my lecture at 11, and came back and read Taylor’s essay to prepare for the tutorial.

When we got to the tutorial, I told our tutor that I didn’t feel very confident in my essay, and he was actually in a really good mood or something. He said that he thought this tutorial we would come out with a clearer idea of what we were supposed to know instead of just coming out with more questions, which is often what tutorials do to you. So he talked a lot, but I think I did pretty well at participating too. He picked out a quote from my paper and based a lot of the tutorial on that. Then we got the readings for next week, but I told him I wasn’t going to be doing the essay, which makes me very happy. I’ll still have to read and take notes, but no pressure for a good essay. I think it will be interesting, though, about the “clash of civilizations” between east and west, etc.

So then I came back to my room intending to read econ, but I watched movie trailers online and then just read a couple pages before going to a lecture at 5. My last evening lecture. Now I only have 7 lectures a week, which is crazy for me. After the lecture, I went to the SSL to read until I went to circuit training. I walked there in the rain, and stood in line and one person before me they said that circuits was full. So Hannah was waiting for us, so I went and told her. It sort of sucked because I walked all the way down there, and it would have been good for me. But I didn’t have to spend 3 pounds, and I got to come back and have some dinner. Hannah said we would be having another erg session and another tank session probably, and we would be switching people around in the boat, which pretty much means that I’m not at stroke anymore. There’s no one else who I can think of her changing. I know I have’t been doing as well as the other girls. I don’t know if it’s just that I’m weak or what, but I’m just not good on the ergs. I was good as a novice, but I think I hit a plateau and just haven’t improved from that level. Oh well, less pressure, and now I don’t have to worry about keeping my place.

So I came back to my room and made some dinner, and then Jennifer (G-town girl) came by to say hi and chat. It was nice to talk to her about stuff. We have a lot in common. She’s good friends with Ashley, and Ashley was always saying that we would get along. So we talked for a while, and then I watched an episode of Law and Order SVU before going to bed. I talked to my mom and wished her Happy Birthday, gave Kyle some encouragement on a paper he was writing and then fell asleep.

This morning, Hannah had sent an e-mail for the tank and erg sessions, and said if we hadn’t been able to do circuits, it would be good if we did a 2k erg. So I went down and did that this morning. 9:40 time, which is better than last time, still not good, but I’m improving against myself at least. She also said we are registered for this race on Sunday, though the river is still red flag, so I don’t know if it will happen. Had some peanut butter toast for breakfast, and now I’m going to try to write an e-mail about my thesis topic before my lectures. Another thing I keep putting off, but it would be better if I just did it. At G-town I conquered my procrastination for the most part, mainly because of my friends being overachievers, but here I’ve fallen back into my old habits.